There are times where I find myself stressed out, missing a certain period of my life.
A time that to me was care free, more innocent, simpler, happier & when I felt the most alive. A time that I felt I was at peace with the world. This was a time that I was sure of who I was, what I stood for, where I was headed. I was secure in my relationships with friends, family, co-workers. I felt like I was on top of the world & I couldn't ask for anything more than what I had.
The world was mine & Lissi's to do with it what we pleased. I felt like we had such immense amounts of time to do everything our hearts desired. We could just pick up after dinner & go for a walk, jump in the car & head to the beach for the day, go to the park, zoo, botanical gardens, the city, the bike path, museums & so much more, we were girls on the go!
I also had this luxury in my relationships with friends. Dinner, movies, bars, shopping, lunching, nights out with a nice bottle of wine, quick run to the nail salon because it was a rough week & we deserved it, the beach & whatever else we wanted to do on my Lissi free days...
There are times when I miss this soo much it consumes me. Times where it's the company I miss, the simple act of calling my friends & knowing in 30 minutes we would be trying on a million different outfits for where ever it was we were going to go, or knowing that Lisa would be coming over with her slippers on for a movie, dinner & a sleepover. Knowing that if I was having a bad day I could see Lisa, Mary or Meg & they would be there to throw me off my pity train.
I miss walking into work sometimes, knowing my job inside & out, dressed up, meaning business & getting down to business, being the girl who hung with the boys & bossed them around, joking with guys, the camaraderie working in a dealership brought to me. I miss the traveling, the meetings, going to seminars to learn more.... I miss it... A lot.
But I can go back & I do... Sometimes its as simple as closing my eyes, feeling the sun on my face & allowing my brain to take me there, take me out of my head, away from the stress & put me on my blanket that I bought at the Jazz Festival in Hartford. That blanket has been everywhere & my happiest memories are on that blanket. Old Westbury Gardens, the beach, Picnic at Mark Twain's house, the Catskills in the fall, random stops on the side of the road simply to watch the sunset, Belmont Park, the duck park, jazz festival (obviously), montauk, everywhere......
All I have to do is close my eyes & I am there, with people I love, that love me the most. People that love me for me, all of me, the good the bad & the ugly. People who I am not sure understand just how much my heart aches for them everyday.
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