And honestly sometimes I think I would prefer that.
His words cut through me like a knife. They are so mean, so hateful, so unlike anything I have ever heard out of anyones mouth directed at a person that they are supposed to love above anyone else.
How can you say things like that, then 5 minutes later go on like nothing happened, it's like living with Jykel & Hyde, never knowing what you are getting from minute to minute.
I have been in relationships where I have been physically abused in the past... But this is torture, to sit here & continuously love someone that doesn't even treat you with respect. Someone that daily tells you in so many words that you are a piece of shit, that blames his issues that he had way before you on you. I was with an addict for 10 plus years, I know the routine of passing the blame. I know it's not my fault, but if you hear something enough you start to believe it.
I love him, I do, in every sense of the word, but it's time to love me, it's time for me to be selfish.
Tomorrow I am going home. I need space. I need to clear my head. I need my family & friends.
I need him to see what life without me & the kids is like... Maybe he will realize, maybe he won't, but either way I need the mental break from the names that really do hurt me.
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