I get to go down to the city tomorrow to see the family & my girls...
I don't know why but its like Christmas morning for me whenever I know I am going back home for a few days... It's a very much needed mental break & emotional recharge.
I start making plans the week before so I am sure to reserve time with everyone since I know how busy everyone is lately. It seems like all my girlfriends are booked months in advance. I call my cousins, my siblings, all local family to ensure that I get the most out of my 2 days there, before I have to return home (Westbrookville) where I live & be lonely.
That's how I feel when I am here, I am always happy to return after a very hectic & chaotic 2 days of seeing everyone I know & love... but then after I re-coop, I am lonely...
Saying goodbye is the worst... I hate leaving & do anything I can to prolong it, I am always like OK I am leaving in the morning, then morning comes & I push it till 2, then 2 comes & I push it till 7.... Cause you know traffic starts at 4 & lets up around 7 .. or so I tell myself so that getting home at 10pm is justified
It's cause I know I am leaving the people I love the most & who love me... & I know when I leave they will all still be sitting in Nanny's house bullshitting, drinking tea & just being together, something I probably have always cherished more than any single one of them & something I long for once I see more trees on my drive than buildings. It's funny, I am elated everytime I am going there & I always seem to have to fight back the tears & urge to turn around on the way home. I always tell myself once you hit the tappan zee bridge there is no turning back... So I fight with myself the whole ride till that point not to turn around & run into their house to give Nanny one more hug.
I miss just being able to pop in to see Nanny & Poppy, or having Sunday "church" with my Noodlebug... ( every Sunday watching extreme makeover, desperate housewives..etc after I made dinner for us) Calling up my Meggers to go out on Saturday night & knowing that it will probably take craziness to the next level even more so than the last time. Stopping by Aunty's just cause its on the way to where ever else I am headed. Quickly running to the mall to get an outfit or get my eyebrows & hair done.... Meeting up with Taryn to take the girls out. Stopping by Karen's out of the blue to see if she is still in the country & if she is, talking endlessly about anything & everything. Going over to my cousin Mary's or going out to some bar she found ladies night at so we don't have to pay for drinks... LOL. She always found SOME PLACE where everything was free. I miss sidewalks.. as silly as that may sound. Just being able to go out & walk around the neighborhood day or night just to get some air. I miss being able to just get in the car & go to the beach, anytime, any season... This is where I find my tranquility. Just to be able to see the ocean I feel calm. Sunday morning bagels after a night out... Rainy nights going to blockbuster & ordering in any kind of food & having it delivered. Weekends where Alyssa was with her Dad, just heading up to McGorey's, I could go alone cause there was always someone there I knew... That is my Cheer's.
It's just that when I am back home, I feel like myself... I feel warm & calm, I feel confident, cause I know my surroundings & can find everything, I feel more freedom because I know I can leave to do anything & have friends to do it with. I even feel prettier when I am there as ridiculous as that may sound.
Here I just sit, & sit & sit... Pat works a lot and the train ride makes his days even longer & other than him I am pretty much friend-less. The highlight is grocery shopping or going to get the mail. But I do sooo look forward to Saturdays with his family its always fun!!
I am not saying that it is better there than here.. I am not saying I want to move back.. I just miss it is all... I miss the simple things that I enjoyed there & the people I enjoyed them with.
I wish I could have both... It really is bittersweet to go back.. I soo look forward to going but I hate leaving. I feel like I am missing out.
I cant wait till the summer so I can stay for weeks if I want.... I keep joking with Pat that I am going to live there for the summer & I will come visit him on the weekends, maybe, we'll see...
I don't know why but its like Christmas morning for me whenever I know I am going back home for a few days... It's a very much needed mental break & emotional recharge.
I start making plans the week before so I am sure to reserve time with everyone since I know how busy everyone is lately. It seems like all my girlfriends are booked months in advance. I call my cousins, my siblings, all local family to ensure that I get the most out of my 2 days there, before I have to return home (Westbrookville) where I live & be lonely.
That's how I feel when I am here, I am always happy to return after a very hectic & chaotic 2 days of seeing everyone I know & love... but then after I re-coop, I am lonely...
Saying goodbye is the worst... I hate leaving & do anything I can to prolong it, I am always like OK I am leaving in the morning, then morning comes & I push it till 2, then 2 comes & I push it till 7.... Cause you know traffic starts at 4 & lets up around 7 .. or so I tell myself so that getting home at 10pm is justified
It's cause I know I am leaving the people I love the most & who love me... & I know when I leave they will all still be sitting in Nanny's house bullshitting, drinking tea & just being together, something I probably have always cherished more than any single one of them & something I long for once I see more trees on my drive than buildings. It's funny, I am elated everytime I am going there & I always seem to have to fight back the tears & urge to turn around on the way home. I always tell myself once you hit the tappan zee bridge there is no turning back... So I fight with myself the whole ride till that point not to turn around & run into their house to give Nanny one more hug.
I miss just being able to pop in to see Nanny & Poppy, or having Sunday "church" with my Noodlebug... ( every Sunday watching extreme makeover, desperate housewives..etc after I made dinner for us) Calling up my Meggers to go out on Saturday night & knowing that it will probably take craziness to the next level even more so than the last time. Stopping by Aunty's just cause its on the way to where ever else I am headed. Quickly running to the mall to get an outfit or get my eyebrows & hair done.... Meeting up with Taryn to take the girls out. Stopping by Karen's out of the blue to see if she is still in the country & if she is, talking endlessly about anything & everything. Going over to my cousin Mary's or going out to some bar she found ladies night at so we don't have to pay for drinks... LOL. She always found SOME PLACE where everything was free. I miss sidewalks.. as silly as that may sound. Just being able to go out & walk around the neighborhood day or night just to get some air. I miss being able to just get in the car & go to the beach, anytime, any season... This is where I find my tranquility. Just to be able to see the ocean I feel calm. Sunday morning bagels after a night out... Rainy nights going to blockbuster & ordering in any kind of food & having it delivered. Weekends where Alyssa was with her Dad, just heading up to McGorey's, I could go alone cause there was always someone there I knew... That is my Cheer's.
It's just that when I am back home, I feel like myself... I feel warm & calm, I feel confident, cause I know my surroundings & can find everything, I feel more freedom because I know I can leave to do anything & have friends to do it with. I even feel prettier when I am there as ridiculous as that may sound.
Here I just sit, & sit & sit... Pat works a lot and the train ride makes his days even longer & other than him I am pretty much friend-less. The highlight is grocery shopping or going to get the mail. But I do sooo look forward to Saturdays with his family its always fun!!
I am not saying that it is better there than here.. I am not saying I want to move back.. I just miss it is all... I miss the simple things that I enjoyed there & the people I enjoyed them with.
I wish I could have both... It really is bittersweet to go back.. I soo look forward to going but I hate leaving. I feel like I am missing out.
I cant wait till the summer so I can stay for weeks if I want.... I keep joking with Pat that I am going to live there for the summer & I will come visit him on the weekends, maybe, we'll see...
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