Monday, January 26, 2009

Sometimes an all night argument is healthy


I know everybody tends to write about happy & upbeat things, but life isn't always that way. Sometimes the not so "Disney" version of things need to be aired.

So Friday night comes & I am already agitated by the time Pat walks through the door. He is late, I am over tired, dinner was cold, & all I wanted was to spend time with him before 9.

Alyssa happened to be at a friends house having a sleep over. We try not to fight or yell when she is home, its not healthy for her to hear & we are VERY aware of that. So because she is always home things tend to bottle up.

As soon as the poor man walks through the door, I lose it & for once he lost it back.

We argued, we cried, we yelled, we cursed, we screamed, slammed doors, took breaks in separate rooms, I locked myself in the bathroom a few times, even curled up in a ball crying on the kitchen floor, there were a few times even he grabbed me & held me cause I was crying so hard, or picked me up like a groom carrying a bride over the threshold & just held me & I held him right back, all the while still arguing of course.

(I did this even when I was younger, don't know why it's was always a corner in the bathroom)

We both argued about stuff that was bothering us, stuff the other one did, stuff that life has thrown at us, situations that have occurred, feelings, bills, money, lifestyles, of course I was told I was spoiled & should move back to Long Island throughout the whole argument but don't think I didn't have a few repetitive things to call him & a few places to tell him to go, cause I did.
Don't think for a second Pat is soft on me cause I am a female. He is brutally honest & I love that about him, & he loves (he's told me) that I can give it right back & I dont sugar coat things for feelings sake.

But regardless of all the screaming, crying & carrying on.. There was one thing we both kept saying among our self inflicted chaos. I love you, I couldn't imagine my life without you, I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you.

Though I don't think either one of us heard that, I mean really heard it in the moment.

But after 4 hours & finally coming to a point where we both yelled what we had so desperately needed to say for a while now, we were able to sit & talk.

Pat & I always end up in the front room. Now anyone who knows our house know there is nothing in there, it is basically the mudroom & wood stove room. But here we were 3am sitting on the floor talking, laughing, & for the first time in a long time actually communicating.

Eventually Pat sat on the computer chair & pulled me on his lap & while hugging me, he kissed my forehead & it was then I knew he understood why I was so upset & I felt for the first time in a while that everything would be OK. How could it not? When you have love, a love that tests the waters as much as ours & still always comes out afloat, you are one of the lucky ones.

There is nothing better than a good healthy get it off your chest & clear the tension in the air argument followed by going to bed with a simple I love you & the man you love arms around you.

( Of course the baby woke up about 40 minutes after I went to bed...LOL. )

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