Where were you on 9/11?

I remember that morning like yesterday.
I was still living in Massapequa Park, NY with my grandparents and my almost 2 year old daughter.
I was upstairs in my apartment, getting ready for work, on what I thought was a beautiful beginning to fall morning. I had the tv on in the livingroom for background noise as I was in my bedroom getting dressed. My daughter was playing on the floor in my room, when I heard my Nanny yell up the stairs, "Turn on the news a plane just flew into the twin towers."  Not thinking it was anymore than just a accident, I watched thinking those poor people.

Then the second plane hit.

My grandmother starts screaming, "It's terrorists, I knew it, its a terroist attack, all those people." It had never occured to me that that was even an option when the first plane hit, and honestly, when I watched the second one hit, it still didn't. I just sat there with my mouth open, processing her words. I remember the fear that came over my body, it was as if I was frozen. For the first time in my life I truly knew what it was to feel fear and helplessness.

I guess you can say at 20 years old, I was still nieve in the ways of the world. I thought nothing like that could ever happen in the United States. That all those types of things happened in 3rd world countries. I couldnt fathom how so much hatred could be directed at people they didnt even know.

I, for some reason, felt compelled that I should still go to work that day. I dont remember getting dressed, or leaving the house, or even the beginning of my drive, but I do remember being on the Seaford Oyster Bay Pkwy. It was morning rush hour, normally I would  be in traffic, cursing the whole way.

But today I was one of FOUR cars. I remember counting four. Me and three other people who didnt know what else to do, but do like we do every other day and go to work. While I was driving, I had the radio on. I dont think I really even watched the road but kept my eyes on the sky, because I was sure then, that there we going to be more planes. As I drove, a few did fly over the parkway, whether they were planes being grounded or military planes I am not sure. But I know that when I heard them, I ducked in my car. I literally, grabbed the steering wheel and pulled my head down lower than it, thinking now they are going to fly into anything and everything in New York.

I don't remember arriving to work, it was like all of a sudden I was in the parking lot. It baffled me how I got there because as I remembered it, I was home, then on the Seaford Oyster Bay, now at work. Everything else was as if it didnt happen that morning.

I looked over in the parking lot and next to me was my co-worker. She was sitting in her car exactly like I was, glued to the radio with the same somber and terrifed look on her face. We both looked at each other then remained in our own cars for a little while longer unable to tear ourselves away from the radio.

I dont remember how long I sat there. I dont remember going into the building. I remember being inside and glad to see my best friends Becca, Nicole, and my daughters father Dan. At least they were ok and I knew that we were all together. I always felt safer when Danny was around.

The internet was out at work, so were the phones, the cell phones werent working at this point either. It felt so pointless for all of us to sit there. So far away from our families, so helpless in this tiny little office with no contact to what was happening outside around us except a radio that wasn't coming in very clearly... I think we stayed an hour or so before we decided to go home. I think we stayed out of fear of what was happening outside in world.

The ride home was the same as the ride there... One minute I was at work, the next I was home, the drive and how I got there a mystery. I remember walking in my house, hugging my Nan, who looked like she had been crying since I left, asking her if everyone in our family was accounted for. Happy when I was told yes.

I remember holding my daughter most of the day and repeatedly apologizing to her. That apology held a lot of reasons.... Sorry for the world I brought you in to. Sorry for leaving you when the world was falling apart. Sorry I couldnt do anything help those people. It was the biggest and most honest apology I had ever given to this day.

I dont remember the rest of the day as it happened... I know we all just sat there together, glued ot the tv watching the terror unfold... But I do remember bringing the baby in my bed that night, something I never did. Holding her so tight and crying myself to sleep.

New Year, New Topic...

Since I hardly write anymore because really, nothing all that interesting goes on in my life.. I think I am going to change the topic of the blog from nothing really to the kids. Not to a " oh my kid are great let me brag about them" type of blog, but more of can you believe that they did this today.

See my little one, tends to be a humorous topic for all who I speak to. Our main conversations are lead with, "What did she  do today?" This varies from q-tips in the toliet bowl ( hundreds of them) to brush her teeth with diaper rash cream. And everyday there is something. So starting today, I will be posting about my children and the funny crap they do everyday.  I think I should change the name of the blog to - Are you kidding me? What is the matter with you?

A little turkey and some wine....

Makes me silly....Just wanted to post some pics from Turkey Day of what happens when we drink the vino and dont get it on our sauce hands!

 Cooking with my BFF.. We like to coddle each other while we cook...LMAO.

 Choking my BFF because she was being a pain in the ass with the placement of the cheese on the platter.

Licking my BFF because, well, I just felt like it

                      Goofing around with my Momma and my Uncle Robert

                                                             Kissing my new brother in law because sleeping beauty was pooped from all the turkey eating

10 things you dont know about me...

I was reading a magazine yesterday and in the back there was a section called
10 Things You Didn't Know About  Insert Celebrity Name Here


 While I am the furthest thing from a celebrity, I thought this would be fun... Here it goes:


1.  I am a stickler with driving. I do the speed limit or no more than 5 miles over. Seat belts are mandatory. Turning signals are abused. I don't know why, but the older I get the more cautious I become. Probably because kids are in the car.  That and the fear of being pulled over, because my sick little brain thinks maybe  the lollipop I stole in elementary school was finally reported and they identified me & now there's a warrant and I am busted. LMAO.


2. My nickname in highschool was DFG. This was given to me by the father of my high school boyfriend. I had just met him and within minutes he says, "we are going to call you DFG." I don't know why, but later on after my ex & I had broken up, he revoked it saying that he didn't mean it and it wasn't until after me that his son started bring home girls that lived up to the nickname. But it did stick in our little circle. Can you figure out what DFG stands for?


3. I am on a life journey to find the best pair of jeans. I believe they are out there. That there has to be at least one designer that understands that because I have big hips and need a size above a 5 that that doesn't mean I have thick legs or a fat ass.  That I can find a pair of jeans that fits my waist perfectly without having to get the legs and butt taken in by a seamstress. That I will just put them on & they will fit perfectly. This theory has cost me a lot of money in jeans being that I don't try things on. There was a time when I owned 84 pairs of jeans that I had purchased in a 6 month period because proving this to be true became an obsession.


4. I believe in soul mates. I believe that there is more than one soul mate for each person that you connect and reconnect with in different capacities throughout lifetimes... They don't have to be connections in a romantic sense, sometimes they can be your parents, friends, relatives, strangers on the street....  I believe I have met 2 of mine so far in my life.


5. I want to own an antiques store. I would love to also have handcrafted items from locals to sell in my store. I already have the name picked out as well as the design of the store. I even have a copyright on the name.


6. I have nightmares at least once a week about falling.... Usually I am falling down the stairs at the house I grew up in. I never hit the steps going down. It sort of feels like I am being shoved from behind down them and I always wake up before I hit the bottom...


7. I can name almost every constellation in the sky on any given night. I was obsessed with astronomy when I was kid. Everyone thinks they can point out the big dipper, they are usually wrong about it, but I will let them have it.

 8. I can't walk past a charity or donation set up outside a store without giving something. This also goes for homeless people who ask for money. If I don't have anything on me to give, I feel guilty for days afterwards. I also have the need to talk to old people when I see them sitting by themselves eating because it breaks my heart that they might be lonely and maybe a little conversation, even from a stranger, would make their day.


9. I am obsessed with the blog http://www.remodelaholic.com/ and I must check it every 3 hours or so to see what is on it now. I want to do every single project on there. Actually let me check it now.

10. The second I cross the whitestone bridge, I feel like my confidence and self esteem rise 50% higher than what is was the second before I crossed the bridge. There is something about being back in LI and/or Queens for me that makes me feel more secure, more attractive and happier. Maybe I feel like me again when I am home, I dont know... It's weird, but its a good weird.

You dont own a cell phone?!

I love this reaction from people. NO I don't own a cell phone. I am grateful too that I don't own one.

I did, I loved it, but now I just don't. I could if I wanted one but I have no desire to constantly be attached to a little rectangular box to feel connected to the people I love.

Have you noticed how socially awkward people have become? No one talks to each other. No one has real conversations. See because I cant throw you a one line text means I actually have to put effort into a relationship with you.

Meaning: if you are worth my time you will know it.

The following things have solidified me not getting one either:
( That's right I broke out the bullets)

• Kids walking down the block together, not talking to one another but staring at their cell phones and texting. When I was a kid one of my favorite things to do was to walk around Massapequa with my friends & talk. And talk and talk and talk. We would laugh, we say silly things, and through those walks we get to know each other. It is some of the fondest memories I have of my childhood.

• Friends sitting at my house and in the middle of a conversation breaking out the cell phone to text someone or talk to someone. I mean seriously, could you be any ruder? That makes me nuts. I was taught when you have company you answer your phone & politely say, I have company may I call you back later... Or you don't answer your phone because caller ID is a beautiful thing and if it is an emergency they will call you until you pick up..

• Being on line a store, we are waiting, we all want to get out of there, but I don't need to hear you badmouthing your kids or spouse in the process. I have my own issues, I don't need to be involved in yours now. Plus its rude to the cashier. They are not invisible, you can acknowledge their existence, they probably hate their job and you make it worse. It wouldn't kill you to smile, say how are you today & maybe a thank you when you are finished. GET OFF YOUR PHONE.

I feel like people are too connected, like they cant be alone. They have to talk to someone constantly to feel cared about. It's crazy to me. You sit there & stare at your phone waiting for someone to text you or you call people for no reason just so you can talk to anyone so you are talking.

Can I tell you how freeing it was.. To be able to say, Oh you called? I wasn't home. Sorry I missed you! Not, why didn't you pick up your phone. With a cell phone you are supposed to be available to everyone at every moment. That is insane to me, its like never being alone ever.

My daughter of course wants one, I mean come on Mom, I'm ten, everyone has one.... O'well! I want you to be able to have a conversation face to face. I want you not to be socially awkward when you are 16 because you only know how to text people and not converse properly... I want you to be able to spell not abbreviate....

I don't know. I see the plus, the car breaks down you can call for help, you can call your kids anytime to see what they are doing.. You are at the store and want to ask someone a size..

Here's the thing.... people managed to get help before a cell phone if their car broke... You might have to walk to get help, but hey obesity is a problem so maybe walking is good.  We survived as kids without  constant communication with our parents... Kids can still lie to you over a cell phone about where they are... And people tended to figure it out on their own, the would take an educated guess, they didn't need to phone a friend...

So when people ask me are you going to get a cell phone? No, I'm not. Not anytime soon. Call my house phone and no you cant text that.

Happy Birthday Nanny

Today is my Grandmother's birthday... Her 34th birthday, according to her.

So I just wanted to take today's post to wish my Nanny a very, very, happy birthday! I love you Nanny!

She is my most favorite person in all the world.... I don't think she knows it but she is. She is the glue that keeps our family together & the reason we are all so close. She is the most loving, kindest, honest, purest, selfless person in the world. People could only dream of having a grandmother like her. I am fortunate enough to call her mine. 

Tell us about five things you want to do before you die...

Tell us about five things you want to do before you die....

Everyone has their own bucket list right? Being that I am only 29 mine you can imagine that mine is alot more than 5 things... So I picked the top ones...Now just be warned, I am a relatively simple person, I don't want to do anything crazy like jump out of plane, or swim with sharks.... Mine are more about moments than scaring the crap out of myself.

#1. I want to see my kids grown, accomplished and happy. Each with their own bright future ahead, living their lives, accomplishing their dreams and becoming the people I knew they would.

#2. I want to travel... I want to visit every state in the U.S., then explore all over Europe. I want to visit every country I can. Learn about all cultures, see all the history & beauty that the world has to offer. Spain would most likely be my first stop, then Greece, followed by Italy, then its where ever my suitcase takes me.

#3. I want to own my own business. I want to own a quaint little shop that sells items from antiques to handmade goods. I want to offer delicious homemade desserts with tea. I want to have a little outdoor area that people can sit, drink their tea. I want to own it in an artsy little town with alot of tourism...

#4. I want to have a re-do of my wedding,  new groom and all... I want to have it in a vineyard, down a row of grape vines, lit by candles & white lights. I want a beautifully set table, long enough to seat everyone we love. I want a quiet band to play love melodies in the background while everyone drinks wine & dances. I want to wear a simple white dress. I want a photographer that can capture that kind of magic. I want to read vows written by us, in our own words.

#5. I want to spend every second weekend of July for the rest of my life, sitting on a blanket in Hartford, CT, listening to live Jazz music under the stars at the Hartford Jazz Festival. I want to spend the days of this weekend touring Hartford & visiting all the beautiful gardens, architecture, restaurants and culture. I want to drink my wine at the roof top bar within walking distance of my hotel. I want to be in this place because it was where, I believe, I experienced true happiness for the first time.