It could be worse...

So I took Taylor to the doctor on Weds for these white patches on her tongue, what we thought was thrush. Luckily it wasn't.. just milk stain. While there I shared with the doctor my concern of her lack of response to noise.

I informed the doctor that I can talk loudly by her ear, clap my hands, snap my fingers, call her, turn the TV loud, the radio & it doesn't phase her or seem to make her turn her head to find out what is causing it like an infant normally would. I commented how she does though respond to vibrations such as some one walking into the room & it shaking the floor or if you slam the door & it shakes the room. These things she jumps at & immediately responds.

The doctor thinking I am a paranoid mother of a newborn then too claps his hands, calls her, snaps his fingers & does all of the above mentioned with the same response as me.. NOTHING.
He then taps the table next to her so that it causes her to feel the vibration & she immediately responds. Now he looks concerned & I am looking less nuts.

He tells me to take her back to Bon Secours to have her ears tested again. So I make an appointment for this Monday.

Telling Pat that night was the worst, to tell him that there maybe something wrong with his "itty bitty's" hearing, he looked like he was going to cry. But he stated he noticed it too, but since he was working so much he didn't have a lot of time with her to really make a judgement & just thought she was tired.

Now I look at her & wonder can she hear me tell her I love her? Does she hear the happiness in my voice when I speak to her? Do the words " Mommy is here" soothe her? Or is she seeing me move my mouth & not hearing anything? Is that why she constantly wants to feel my touch & seems to need it to be calmed & reassured? Is that why when I talk to her she seems to place her head on my chest as to feel the vibration of voice?
I am consumed by this, constantly staring at her & speaking to her wondering is she just getting a head start on ignoring me, something her sister is an expert at... or is my little girl really not hearing me.

I was talking to my mother & she said it could be worse. She could be blind, she could be really sick, she could have a learning handicap, she could have a million things that are worse. So we have to learn sign language in a worst case scenario, or she has to have an operation to fix it, or wears a hearing aid, they make them so discreet now anyways. Or there could be nothing wrong at all & she is just not phased by noises, supposedly my sister was the same way.

This wait till Monday is killing me.. I want to know now so I can do what I need to for her if I need to do anything at all.