It could be worse...

So I took Taylor to the doctor on Weds for these white patches on her tongue, what we thought was thrush. Luckily it wasn't.. just milk stain. While there I shared with the doctor my concern of her lack of response to noise.

I informed the doctor that I can talk loudly by her ear, clap my hands, snap my fingers, call her, turn the TV loud, the radio & it doesn't phase her or seem to make her turn her head to find out what is causing it like an infant normally would. I commented how she does though respond to vibrations such as some one walking into the room & it shaking the floor or if you slam the door & it shakes the room. These things she jumps at & immediately responds.

The doctor thinking I am a paranoid mother of a newborn then too claps his hands, calls her, snaps his fingers & does all of the above mentioned with the same response as me.. NOTHING.
He then taps the table next to her so that it causes her to feel the vibration & she immediately responds. Now he looks concerned & I am looking less nuts.

He tells me to take her back to Bon Secours to have her ears tested again. So I make an appointment for this Monday.

Telling Pat that night was the worst, to tell him that there maybe something wrong with his "itty bitty's" hearing, he looked like he was going to cry. But he stated he noticed it too, but since he was working so much he didn't have a lot of time with her to really make a judgement & just thought she was tired.

Now I look at her & wonder can she hear me tell her I love her? Does she hear the happiness in my voice when I speak to her? Do the words " Mommy is here" soothe her? Or is she seeing me move my mouth & not hearing anything? Is that why she constantly wants to feel my touch & seems to need it to be calmed & reassured? Is that why when I talk to her she seems to place her head on my chest as to feel the vibration of voice?
I am consumed by this, constantly staring at her & speaking to her wondering is she just getting a head start on ignoring me, something her sister is an expert at... or is my little girl really not hearing me.

I was talking to my mother & she said it could be worse. She could be blind, she could be really sick, she could have a learning handicap, she could have a million things that are worse. So we have to learn sign language in a worst case scenario, or she has to have an operation to fix it, or wears a hearing aid, they make them so discreet now anyways. Or there could be nothing wrong at all & she is just not phased by noises, supposedly my sister was the same way.

This wait till Monday is killing me.. I want to know now so I can do what I need to for her if I need to do anything at all.

Table Decorations, Gingerbread Houses, Cookies & Gifts

So the holiday's are almost upon us.......


Turkey day:
Will be spent at my mom's this year. It's her & Joey's first thanksgiving in their new house!! Mom said I get to decorate the table... I am so excited. I love making the holiday tables look like something Martha Stewart would be proud of. So I have all my dishes, napkins, napkin rings, center peices, place card holders, chargers & everything else needed all ready. I can't wait!!


Christmas:
Last year for my immediate family I made their gifts. I was tired of buying everyone crap they never use. I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to be able to include someone who was not able to celebrate with us, so, I wrote everyone a letter about my cousin who is fighting the war over in Iraq. I wrote about silly times, him as a father, how heroic he is, among other things. I enclosed a picture with of him in his fatigues in a nice frame, a yellow ribbon magnet for everyone to put on their car, then tied the letter up with a ribbon & an American flag. It was a gift that everyone said they appreciated more than anything store bought. It brought everyone to tears & made my Aunt cry uncontrollably (not my intention) while stating it was the best gift she has ever gotten. It even prompted a letter from my grandmother a few weeks after Christmas thanking me again for such a wonderful gift to our family. It was a way for me to include someone very dear to me that I wished was there.
Don't think I can top that one & I am not even going to try....

I usually do Christmas presents by themes. So I was thinking this year I want to go green.

I have become obessed lately with using canvas bags at ALL stores trying to eliminate as many plastic bags as possible. I have become more concious of what we waste & also started with my recycling. I try to buy things that are made of recycled materials or are organic. Not a huge eco-head but every little bit helps....
So this left me thinking that I want to buy gifts that are eco-friendly, organic & good for the planet. So I googled some stuff & I think I am on the right path. I want it to be a gift that can be used & appreciated, not some dust collector. I want to do my part even on the holidays.

On another note today I recieved my Good House Keeping mag & I was reading ways to make christmas decorations for the home. Granted I have a decent amount of store bought ones but there were so many cute ideas & easy ones too that I could do on a boring day like today with Alyssa & Tori. So I can't wait to start creating holiday decorations & memories with my children that we will cherish while saving some money in the process.
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidaycrafts

I also started to discuss holiday plans with my husband & we decided to have the gingerbread house / reindeer food making day here. This is a traditon with my family & a great way to get everyone together & make some more fun memories for the kids. (Though the parents usually are the last ones at the table finishing once the kids have lost interest) We have had many interesting gingerbread "houses" over the years from the adults... I wish I had pictures to post. One year we had a gingerbread trailer park, broke down cars & old tires, furniture on the lawn included. ( We robbed the kids toy box) Yes, this one of my favorite parts of the holiday season.

So this year I am going to home make invitations with Alyssa for our gingerbread extravaganza once I coordinate a weekend that is good for everyone.

This brings me to SANTACON 08. If you live in NY & you like the city & have a great sense of humor... You will love this. It is Dec 13 -14 in NYC, it is a pub crawl. It starts in the morning & lasts all night. This year about 800 people are expected. It is the one day Manhattan is taken over by santa & friends. You're only requirement is you have to dress up like either Santa, Mrs.Claus, an elf, rudolph or anything christmas oriented. It is insane & so much fun. It is my goal to attend this year & I have a few of my chicas coming with me. We decided to be elves, getting the costumes ready is half the fun!!
http://www.santacon.com/

So that is it so far for the holiday ideas... This is my way of saving money, going green & making memories.

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. Lissi left me on Friday to go to Maine with her dad & Jenna. Her Pappy picked her up & I let her take half a day at school. So it was me & Taylor left to our own accord.

Miss Taylor must have not been feeling well on Friday cause she got up at 5am & with the exception of a 45 minute nap was up most of the day & very cranky... I felt horrible for her & didn't know what to do to calm her. I held her, rubbed her back & belly, gave her 2 baths (this calmed her for a little, she loves the bath) we went in the swing, our vibrating chair, we played on a blanket on the floor, we went outside in the carriage & then in the house with the carriage, we played soothing music & I rocked her, feed her, changed her, she was just having an off day. I called my mom & Nanny finally & they said she probably had a tummy ache & try apple sauce.... Apparently apple sauce helps... I didn't know this, but I was willing to try anything, I felt horrible for her. So we had apple sauce, I gave her a few little baby spoonfuls, she would quiet for a minute, taste it & look at me like, what is this.. it has flavor. Then cry again, so I don't think it helped but it was a nice treat.

I was supposed to go to my mother-in-laws house that evening for a basket party & was looking forward to getting out of the house, plus I love to show of my little munchkin. I wanted to at least wait for Pat to get home so I could see him for a few & he could see the baby, but around 7 we laid on my bed, I put her on my chest & rubbed her back & we both passed out from exhaustion. I woke up around 8 & put her in her pod, & immediately passed back out. I didn't wake up again till 11. She didn't wake up again till 4:30 am. So we both got some much needed rest.

Saturday ...... Taylor was having another day... She was upset all morning again, probably with "Bubble Guts" as my husband put it, another wonderful Pat-ism.. My step daughter Tori came over which was exciting cause I haven't seen her much since the baby was born & I was glad she was there to spend time with us & Taylor. Pat was home relatively early, so it was nice to have some family time. Now I was supposed to go to my sil's (Sister in laws) for the food party that night & was looking forward to it, but couldn't make it.We had errands to run & I wanted to spend time with my husband who works so hard & so much for our family, that time with him has become a rarity. So we took the kids to Home Depot, Pat's toys r us, & while he bored me & Tori with tools, we made our own fun. We found the Christmas section & we put on silly hats, picked out decorations, stockings, then we picked paint colors for her future room when we buy a house. Taylor slept the whole time, lucky, cause home depot is a snooze when you are there for tools. 



Then it was onto Shop rite. (glamorous I know) Now, this would be a reason I had to go even if I didn't want to. Pat is not allowed to go by himself cause he only comes home with meat. He doesn't realize that we eat/need other things besides meat. So while he stared at steak, I went up & down all the isles to get everything else...LOL. This is how is always is when we go. I get ALL the shopping done up to the frozen isles before he has picked out his steak... Cause it requires very careful choosing. This is one of things that drives me nuts but also why I love him.
By the time we dropped off Tori, stopped in to see Pop then got home & unloaded the car, it was almost 10:30. Then sleep, for Pat at least, Taylor & I were up most of the night.

Sunday... he worked & I had a lazy day with Taylor, we slept most of the day. Then we made dinner & watched TV then bed.

Here we are at Monday again. I managed to get Taylor out in the carriage for some fresh air this morning & went outside & tackled the deck finally, putting away all the patio furniture, fire pit, & coolers. Then I cleaned Pats plant room. I know this is his space & I promised to leave it alone but I couldn't take it anymore. So I just organized it, dusted, arranged some stuff & swept it.

My mommy is coming over tonight to help me put the crib together finally.. LOL.

Lissi comes home tomorrow.. Yippie!! I always miss her soo much when she is gone.

This week we have Dr's appts, we have to buy a car, finalize babysitting arrangements for the baby & Lissi before I return to work on Monday for 3 weeks.... Ugh. So this week is busy too & this weekend is Pat's birthday festivities... My hubby is going to be 31... So till next time...

* Any suggestions on how to get that stupid optimum online triple play commercial song out of my head... for days now all I hear in my brain is 877-333-4001...LOL. **

You have got to be kidding me!!

So Pat came home tonight & told me that the timing belt had bent the valve... this is bad. So I wont have my car back. I call my dad who was a mechanic since he was 16 & ask him if it is worth fixing, he said probably not because it's expensive & could lead to needing a whole motor & with the mileage on my car its not worth the money. Now my car is only a 2001, its not ancient... yet.

This is so not a good time for this.. I have to go back to work on the 17th for 3 weeks because I am 100 hours short of taking the remainder of my maternity leave (cough = bullshit), I cant use Pat's car because I cant feel safe with the baby in it, plus I am not driving him to the train with the baby at 4 am every morning.

Its not like we have money put away to buy a new car. This incident has kinda blindsided us.

** I keep repeating to myself... God wont give you more than you can handle, god wont give you more than you can handle**

This is followed by a little voice stating " he is sure pushing my limits though lately on just how much it takes to make me snap"

SO where does that leave us?? With one week to obtain a new car...

We have decided on a truck, we need the extra room now with the baby. We have decided to buy one outright because we don't want the monthly payment, so this has left us looking all night at pre-owned. We have it narrowed down pretty much to a Ford Expedition.

Now we just have to have my poor father run around all weekend looking at them, once we get the OK we have to go down there, buy it, get insurance on it, & then sit in DMV HELL in Queens.... That should take about 6 hours. Dane Cook said it right when he called the DMV "Satan's Asshole".

Looks like I will be in Queens till Tuesday... Yippie & Ugh!!
Oh & we are selling the mustang too... So we are doing a complete vehicle overhaul....

Starting to go stir crazy.....

So my car has been at the shop (Pat's friend shop) for over a week now for a timing belt.
Having worked in a dealership most of my life, I know that this is a 3 hour job - 4 tops..... but because it's Pat's friend it is taking FOREVER..... Granted he is doing us a favor, but I am starting to lose my mind.... I haven't left my house in days....

I mean how many times in one week can you mop the floor?Average is what 3? I am up to sometimes twice a day cause it just doesn't look clean enough (coo-coo). I am reorganizing & rearranging everything I can, then I am rearranging that because I have nothing else left to do.
All I want to do is go to the post office to get the mail... That would excite me right now & make me feel like I accomplished something.

It's getting to the point where I am tempted to go outside, take his axe & teach myself how to split wood, the only thing stopping me is that if I miss the wood & hit my leg I have no car to get to the hospital...LOL.

My plan today was to clean up the deck & put all the patio furniture away in the shed, but rain forced me to wash my sheets yet again instead.. You know, cause they need to be washed every 2 days. I even googled how to wash pillows & gave that a whirl.

** NOTE** - make sure your pillows have no holes in the seams before washing or your machine will look like you killed a sheep when the cycle is done, I learned this the hard way. You then must break out the needle & thread to proceed this pillow to the dryer or it will look like a sheep herd was massacred in your dryer. Now, my dryer is standing up to the wood chips in the filter from Pats secret logger life.. but I don't know how it would handle wood chips & fluff...LOL.

Next I am going to attempt to cook chicken breast... I printed out a recipe & everything...I am sure Pat will have some "advice" for my chicken, since he is the head chef in this house & I am but a measly line cook, if that.. I probably am closer to waitress than anyone in a kitchen staff... but at least he didn't have to cook after getting up at the crack ass of dawn. Thank goodness my in laws bought us a fire alarm... LOL. Kidding I am not THAT bad, & if I haven't lit the house on fire with the wood burning monster in my front room, I am sure I can handle the oven. **fingers crossed**

Taylor needs to not sleep so much so I have someone to play with, but while she naps, I am sure I will find more things to do.... but I don't think my house or the clothes could be more organized & once the rains stops, the outside & me have a date....

We have just witnessed history.... Thank God

I never really cared about politics... I was more than happy to go about living my life in utter oblivion as far as the country was concerned, the economy, war, , ect. I figured the less I knew the better off I was. That was until this year.

Maybe I became a grown up, maybe my cousin being over in Iraq, maybe wanting to buy a house & invest my money finally made me aware,maybe it was the word depression being thrown around, the bail out of the banks & no help for the people themselves, whatever it was I am glad I woke up.

It's sad to think that I am 27 & this was my first time voting,but this election meant something to me. It meant something to my 8 year old daughter. It meant something to my generation.

I used to feel like, oh what does my one vote count for anyways... Well, I felt like it counted, I felt like I made a difference in the destination of my country, the future of my children by casting my one measly little vote. I was proud of myself, though I did not get the experience of the voting booth because I am still registered in Massapequa & had to cast an absentee ballot, but I voted none the same.

Watching the news, I was proud of the all the people waiting in line to vote for their first time just like me. I haven't felt pride like that since everyone came together in NY after 9/11. That was a pride I thought I would never feel again & glad that I did under much happier circumstances.

My daughter has been asking a lot of questions about voting, electoral votes, what the politicians stand for. I have explained suffrage, the civil rights movement, the difference between the popular vote & how that sways the electoral vote. I felt proud as a mother to have a child that was so eager to learn & was so invested in this as well, I was also proud to be able to have the knowledge to teach her the history & the struggles people have endured to be able to have this right that I have taken for granted since earning the privilege with my 18th birthday.

Alyssa voted at school, Alyssa voted on Nick Jr. com, Alyssa followed the news with me, making her own decision on who she wanted to be our next president. I did not sway her to my vote I let her hear what each candidate stood for & let her form her own opinion on what was she felt was important to her as an eight year old child.

She was in school and her teacher asked the class, "who do you want to be president?" & then told them they had to give her a reason other than that is who my family wants. My daughter was able to tell her class she wanted Obama & able to explain why she chose him. She brought up points of the middle class, now understanding what that was & that we were them. She brought up ending the war sooner & how her Uncle Jay is over there. I am hoping that this instilled in her the want to care & the desire to make her one vote count.

Last night, Alyssa & I watched ABC, NBC, FOX constantly switching back & forth to see who had the latest updates as to who had won what states, to watch the electoral count as well as the popular vote. We watched with eagerness, sometimes aggravated at how long it was taking. Alyssa made signs for Obama for me & the baby to hold, she made up cheers for both Obama & McCain. I was so amazed to see how excited & invested she was in this. She was so tired at one point that I told her to go to bed & she could find out in the morning. Her eyes welled up & she told me NO. She couldn't sleep till she knew. Who was I to take this from her, she was witnessing history no matter who won & she knew it. She told me, "Mom it's history if Obama win cause he will be our first black president & it's history if McCain wins cause it will be our first woman vice president." She was right.

I felt proud to be able to share this with my child, as well as that I myself took part.
As they announced Obama, I felt my eyes tear up, I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief, I felt a peace come over me that everything WAS going to get better, change was on the horizon & I felt a my faith in this country restored.

When Obama came out to speak, I was alone, Alyssa & Pat had gone to bed, Taylor asleep in her Moses basket on the couch. I forced myself to stay awake to hear our new president speak. (We all know that sleep is scarce with a newborn but this was more important). Before I realized it I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, legs in Indian style, like a child watching cartoons, watching with such eagerness taking in every word. When he spoke, I found myself almost crying, periodically wiping a tear from my eye, because for the first time in a long time, I believed in something, I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself, because this man's words were so encouraging & so powerful to me.

When they scanned the crowd it warmed my heart to see young & old, black & white, rich & poor, all standing side by side with the same look in their eyes, belief in the words of the man that spoke before them, relief that things will get better & pride for themselves, their country & our new president.