Usually around this time of year I am awaiting the new year with hopefulness & anticipation... Making all sorts of promises to myself about how I am going to change what I don't like about myself this year, blah blah blah.... Promises which I never keep & just feel like crap about because I didn't.
Today was thinking about 2008 & what my resolution would be... Then as I pondered what I would have done or changed about me this year when I realized I had the best year.
I married my husband a man who I believe is the only one who gets me & I believe I am the only one who gets him & can still laugh at each other even when we are fighting, set up home for our family, became closer with Alyssa than ever before & welcomed my precious little Taylor in our lives. I even gained a beautiful step daughter & wonderful family full of my new in laws.
For the first time I was able to be on my own with out any help from my family... help with Alyssa, help with the day to day which was something I thought I could never do.
I became a better mother this year something I am so proud of myself for.
I became a wife & learned to love someone unconditionally rather than on my terms.
I made a beautiful home for my children & husband rather than some apartment I planned on leaving in a few months.
I learned to love a child like my own without her being mine.
I learned the more family you have whether it be yours or you inherit them makes your life doubly blessed.
I learned that I have strength that I never thought I did. I learned that I can adapt to my surroundings if needed.
I have formed a strong relationship with my mother again that was very much needed & one with my father as well.
I have learned what is really important in life & not what i thought was important through having to portray an image.
I lost weight without trying & am skinnier than I have been in years... LOL.
I think 2008 was a great year for me, in love, growth, responsibility, humility, just figuring out a little more of what makes me tick...
So my resolution for 2009 is to look at the big picture rather than sweat the small stuff... I think once you can do that everything else will fall into place.
As my Nanny always says to me when I feel its hopeless... God will never give you more than you can handle... & I always like to add, but he sure likes to test my limits....
Happy New Year to everyone!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Random things... I just feel like writing.
So yesterday my girlfriend Rachelle from Long Island came up to visit me for the afternoon. I was so excited because I haven't seen her in almost 2 years. Between me moving up here & her moving to CA for a little, it made hanging out, well, impossible.
We used to work together at Nardy Honda, she was part of my sanity at that place. She is still there & I wish I was too, but anyways.
So she gets here & I see her attempt to pull up our driveway which is like a steep incline covered in ice. She is not getting up & from the window I see the panic & the turn of the wheel which could end the life of her brand new Honda accord. So I run outside & I was planning on going down the drive to pull it up for her, but within 3 steps I begin to slide & immediately throw myself down because this gave me skiing flashbacks & I HATED skiing. So I am trying to gesture her on how to turn the wheel & then I scream to her to back out onto the road again & gun it. That's the only way... So after 10 minutes she gets up my drive & I get to see the face of my smiling friend who I missed sooo much.
We hang out & BS & catch each other up on all the gossip of who is doing who, who is a druggie now, who died, & so on & so forth... we had A LOT to say.
Then it came time for her to leave... She is panicking because she does not want to drive down the drive which is even icier now. Luckily Pat was home by now he offered to do it for her.
Now she didn't want to be in the car when he was pulling it down which I still don't understand why but glad she didn't. He gets the car down fine to the bottom of the drive.
I look at her & think how the hell are you going to get down.. You have Uggs on which are sooo slippery, it is a sheet of ice & the drive is straight down. My genius friend says get a garbage bag. I knew this would be good. So she takes a few steps down .. Pat is right behind her... I am on the porch with my camera cause I knew I would need it. She is slipping all over the place.... so then Pat gets her to sit on the bag & she is yelling don't push me, don't push me & Pat is saying I wont, I ... Then he shoves her...
Picture your friend sitting on a garbage bag sliding down your driveway screaming I am going to die, I am going to die & she was going fast too I was worried she was going to end up underneath the car parked at the end of the driveway. But right before the car the garbage bag came out from underneath her ass & she carefully scooted the rest of the way........ I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard.
She made it to the car alive & safe but it was so freaking funny. That alone was worth not seeing her for 2 years.. it made up for all the laughs we missed.
We used to work together at Nardy Honda, she was part of my sanity at that place. She is still there & I wish I was too, but anyways.
So she gets here & I see her attempt to pull up our driveway which is like a steep incline covered in ice. She is not getting up & from the window I see the panic & the turn of the wheel which could end the life of her brand new Honda accord. So I run outside & I was planning on going down the drive to pull it up for her, but within 3 steps I begin to slide & immediately throw myself down because this gave me skiing flashbacks & I HATED skiing. So I am trying to gesture her on how to turn the wheel & then I scream to her to back out onto the road again & gun it. That's the only way... So after 10 minutes she gets up my drive & I get to see the face of my smiling friend who I missed sooo much.
We hang out & BS & catch each other up on all the gossip of who is doing who, who is a druggie now, who died, & so on & so forth... we had A LOT to say.
Then it came time for her to leave... She is panicking because she does not want to drive down the drive which is even icier now. Luckily Pat was home by now he offered to do it for her.
Now she didn't want to be in the car when he was pulling it down which I still don't understand why but glad she didn't. He gets the car down fine to the bottom of the drive.
I look at her & think how the hell are you going to get down.. You have Uggs on which are sooo slippery, it is a sheet of ice & the drive is straight down. My genius friend says get a garbage bag. I knew this would be good. So she takes a few steps down .. Pat is right behind her... I am on the porch with my camera cause I knew I would need it. She is slipping all over the place.... so then Pat gets her to sit on the bag & she is yelling don't push me, don't push me & Pat is saying I wont, I ... Then he shoves her...
Picture your friend sitting on a garbage bag sliding down your driveway screaming I am going to die, I am going to die & she was going fast too I was worried she was going to end up underneath the car parked at the end of the driveway. But right before the car the garbage bag came out from underneath her ass & she carefully scooted the rest of the way........ I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard.
She made it to the car alive & safe but it was so freaking funny. That alone was worth not seeing her for 2 years.. it made up for all the laughs we missed.
The shopping continues....
So this morning, I ran out to Kmart to see if I could get a little shopping done for the girls before the SNOW came. Once again around 8 ish I was piling Lissi & Taylor into the blue demon & heading off.
Got to the Kmart because there is NO WAY I was going to Walmart, got Tori most of the things on her list, she has expensive taste, so I couldnt afford to buy everything & pay rent this month, but got her a nice batch of things she wanted.
Couldnt get anything done for Alyssa because she was with me.
We bought Taylor that new Elmo thing that is out because everytime me & Lissi would hold it up in front of her & make him talk & dance, her eyes would light up & she would smile... That was enough for me to have to buy it & after seeing the price that is enough gifts for her too!! (she wont even remember this christmas) Ok so I bought her a few other things prior to this but that is it I swear.
Picked up a shovel & some rock salt like my husband asked me to at 3 am this morning as he was walking out the door....
By the time we got out it was snowing pretty good & we got home just in time cause within half an hour of being in the house it was already a few inches on the ground.
Got to the Kmart because there is NO WAY I was going to Walmart, got Tori most of the things on her list, she has expensive taste, so I couldnt afford to buy everything & pay rent this month, but got her a nice batch of things she wanted.
Couldnt get anything done for Alyssa because she was with me.
We bought Taylor that new Elmo thing that is out because everytime me & Lissi would hold it up in front of her & make him talk & dance, her eyes would light up & she would smile... That was enough for me to have to buy it & after seeing the price that is enough gifts for her too!! (she wont even remember this christmas) Ok so I bought her a few other things prior to this but that is it I swear.
Picked up a shovel & some rock salt like my husband asked me to at 3 am this morning as he was walking out the door....
By the time we got out it was snowing pretty good & we got home just in time cause within half an hour of being in the house it was already a few inches on the ground.
Update on Taylor's Ears...
So we went for our second round of ear tests. This one was more "involved" than the other. This time I was allowed in the room.
If this one was "involved" I would hate to see how UN- involved the other one was.
It was seriously 2 seconds long one plug thingy in each ear, a ear checker scope thing to look in the ears, another tubey thing in her ears...... and we were told .......Left ear 100% of her hearing. Right ear she has a little but only 6%. But at least she has a little. The lady that did the test told me that was a good thing & it is something that more than likely can be corrected with either surgery or tubes when she is a little older. She wouldn't specify more or go into further details because she is not an ENT doctor, she just performs the test. She did mention it could possible effect her speech when she begins talking, but that doesn't always happen.
So I was shuffled out to the receptionist, given a # for an ear, nose & throat doctor to discuss further steps, asked for my pediatricians # so they can fax over the results & I was off.
I felt a little bewildered upon leaving, with more questions than when I went in. To these people it is just a normal thing to me it is my child....
But I am not taking her to the ENT they recommended. My uncle is an audiologist & I am going to take her to him for both a second opinion & because I trust him more & know he will do everything he can for her & he will recommend the best doctors he knows & trusts.
I will keep everyone updated after our next appointment in January.
If this one was "involved" I would hate to see how UN- involved the other one was.
It was seriously 2 seconds long one plug thingy in each ear, a ear checker scope thing to look in the ears, another tubey thing in her ears...... and we were told .......Left ear 100% of her hearing. Right ear she has a little but only 6%. But at least she has a little. The lady that did the test told me that was a good thing & it is something that more than likely can be corrected with either surgery or tubes when she is a little older. She wouldn't specify more or go into further details because she is not an ENT doctor, she just performs the test. She did mention it could possible effect her speech when she begins talking, but that doesn't always happen.
So I was shuffled out to the receptionist, given a # for an ear, nose & throat doctor to discuss further steps, asked for my pediatricians # so they can fax over the results & I was off.
I felt a little bewildered upon leaving, with more questions than when I went in. To these people it is just a normal thing to me it is my child....
But I am not taking her to the ENT they recommended. My uncle is an audiologist & I am going to take her to him for both a second opinion & because I trust him more & know he will do everything he can for her & he will recommend the best doctors he knows & trusts.
I will keep everyone updated after our next appointment in January.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Ahhh the holidays are almost here....
So after my not to pleasing experience grocery shopping, I decided I was going to try & do as little store shopping as possible, especially without Pat.
So last night I was meddling around online... & before I knew it I had figured out what I wanted to get everyone & where I was getting it from. Now I didn't purchase anything right away because I know I am an impulse shopper so I slept on it. Well until at least 4am when I woke up, started making lists of who & what & how much & decided that what I had come up with the night before was perfect. But I still didn't buy anything.
I know I said in a prior post that I was going green, but one I don't have the green to "go green" & two I don't have the time or patience.. so maybe next year.
So there were a few who are just impossible to buy for.. so I knew what stores they frequented & decided gift cards. This was perfect because you can buy almost every kind of gift card at shop rite now & I had to go there anyways to get stuff to make cupcakes & brownies for Alyssa for school.
Then I was looking at the toys on walmart for the little ones, & decided I would head there because their shipping costs are nuts & figured if I went early enough it shouldn't be that bad. I only picked walmart because I have made it through 9 years of my daughters life without EVER stepping foot inside a toys r us & I don't plan to break my record now that & its right near shop rite & I don't have to venture to UGH Middletown. So I found what I think to be the perfect gifts for all the kiddies.
So its 7:30am & I am antsy, I have a plan & a course to follow this morning & I want to get it done... But Alyssa doesn't go to school till 8:15... Yes but that is when the bus comes... School itself doesn't start till 9 & if I was to leave now. I have been up planning this for 3 hours already.
OK get the kids dressed, tell Lissi I am driving her to school but we have to run to the store first so she maybe a little late. Get Taylor & her stuff ready, wash my face, brush my teeth & hair & we are out the door. 7:45.....
Into shop rite directly to the gift cards... Scott, Mom & Joe, Dad & Noreen -check check check
A visa gift card in case I cant get to the bank to transfer monies & I need to buy something else online (its a sickness people) food coloring for the icing, holiday cupcake cup thingies, brownie mix, vanilla cake mix & we are out. The baking isle was conveniently located at the foot of the gift cards... Express lane, no line... NICE!! 8:30....
Over to the dollar store... Wasn't on the plan but I always have to go there. Tissue paper, boxes, labels, tape, toy for Lissi for dealing with her crazy mother, 8:45... she can be 15 minutes late.
Had to get gas cause Alyssa freaks out if it is anywhere near the E, so $10 & almost a full tank, got to love the beater for that.... Onto Walmart
In walmart, 3rd spot from the door.... Sweet, cart in front of the car, wonderful, b-line to the toys... This is going awesome & then ... They have NOTHING on my list... CRAP. They have what I want for Mia & Sophia but it is like $15 more in the store. Now I am not cheap but if I can get it cheaper I will... So no toys... OK furry clog things for Aunty... Got them, Slide on shoe things for Pop that he is always asking for but I can never find in plain colors. (think he is too old too pull off the cool skull ones).... they have them... & in his size.. beautiful.... sweater for Nan who states she is putting on weight & needs new clothes... Sweaters are on sale... fantastic... Gift card for uncle Jim to buy his Cd's... express register with no line, walmart gift card for me in the amount of the remainder of the gifts I do have to buy online for the kiddies so once again I am not using the bank account.... 9:20
Off to Dollar General in Port for the pajamas my mom wanted when I was in there with her.... Pull in get cart, find size, pay & back in the car... 9:40...
Drop Lissi off at school... Apologize to Taylor for all the in & out... Sit in car & check my list... Everyone is done that I need to go out for. To the house to do our online shopping....
Home about 10:15 after getting milk & mail... Taylor is sleeping, & I am online... Kev,Em, Meg, Ant, Kris, Dan, John, Nick, Liz, Krissy, Mia, Sophia, Jocelyn, Riley, Jesse, & Little Kev.... done done done done done done done done done done done done done done....Only people left to get are my mother & father in law... 1 of which I know what to get but Pat has to pick it out & the other... no clue yet but I am thinking of stuff...
So in the matter of 2 hours I bought gifts for 24 people & I wasn't stressed out even once... The best Christmas shopping EVER!!
That is until Pat & I go to shop for Lissi & Tori & Taylor this weekend... but at least we have each other to calm the other down or hype the other one up.. Either way I wont be alone.
Come to think of it we need a tree too... Oh well I guess saturday after santa & cookies at Emily's!!
So last night I was meddling around online... & before I knew it I had figured out what I wanted to get everyone & where I was getting it from. Now I didn't purchase anything right away because I know I am an impulse shopper so I slept on it. Well until at least 4am when I woke up, started making lists of who & what & how much & decided that what I had come up with the night before was perfect. But I still didn't buy anything.
I know I said in a prior post that I was going green, but one I don't have the green to "go green" & two I don't have the time or patience.. so maybe next year.
So there were a few who are just impossible to buy for.. so I knew what stores they frequented & decided gift cards. This was perfect because you can buy almost every kind of gift card at shop rite now & I had to go there anyways to get stuff to make cupcakes & brownies for Alyssa for school.
Then I was looking at the toys on walmart for the little ones, & decided I would head there because their shipping costs are nuts & figured if I went early enough it shouldn't be that bad. I only picked walmart because I have made it through 9 years of my daughters life without EVER stepping foot inside a toys r us & I don't plan to break my record now that & its right near shop rite & I don't have to venture to UGH Middletown. So I found what I think to be the perfect gifts for all the kiddies.
So its 7:30am & I am antsy, I have a plan & a course to follow this morning & I want to get it done... But Alyssa doesn't go to school till 8:15... Yes but that is when the bus comes... School itself doesn't start till 9 & if I was to leave now. I have been up planning this for 3 hours already.
OK get the kids dressed, tell Lissi I am driving her to school but we have to run to the store first so she maybe a little late. Get Taylor & her stuff ready, wash my face, brush my teeth & hair & we are out the door. 7:45.....
Into shop rite directly to the gift cards... Scott, Mom & Joe, Dad & Noreen -check check check
A visa gift card in case I cant get to the bank to transfer monies & I need to buy something else online (its a sickness people) food coloring for the icing, holiday cupcake cup thingies, brownie mix, vanilla cake mix & we are out. The baking isle was conveniently located at the foot of the gift cards... Express lane, no line... NICE!! 8:30....
Over to the dollar store... Wasn't on the plan but I always have to go there. Tissue paper, boxes, labels, tape, toy for Lissi for dealing with her crazy mother, 8:45... she can be 15 minutes late.
Had to get gas cause Alyssa freaks out if it is anywhere near the E, so $10 & almost a full tank, got to love the beater for that.... Onto Walmart
In walmart, 3rd spot from the door.... Sweet, cart in front of the car, wonderful, b-line to the toys... This is going awesome & then ... They have NOTHING on my list... CRAP. They have what I want for Mia & Sophia but it is like $15 more in the store. Now I am not cheap but if I can get it cheaper I will... So no toys... OK furry clog things for Aunty... Got them, Slide on shoe things for Pop that he is always asking for but I can never find in plain colors. (think he is too old too pull off the cool skull ones).... they have them... & in his size.. beautiful.... sweater for Nan who states she is putting on weight & needs new clothes... Sweaters are on sale... fantastic... Gift card for uncle Jim to buy his Cd's... express register with no line, walmart gift card for me in the amount of the remainder of the gifts I do have to buy online for the kiddies so once again I am not using the bank account.... 9:20
Off to Dollar General in Port for the pajamas my mom wanted when I was in there with her.... Pull in get cart, find size, pay & back in the car... 9:40...
Drop Lissi off at school... Apologize to Taylor for all the in & out... Sit in car & check my list... Everyone is done that I need to go out for. To the house to do our online shopping....
Home about 10:15 after getting milk & mail... Taylor is sleeping, & I am online... Kev,Em, Meg, Ant, Kris, Dan, John, Nick, Liz, Krissy, Mia, Sophia, Jocelyn, Riley, Jesse, & Little Kev.... done done done done done done done done done done done done done done....Only people left to get are my mother & father in law... 1 of which I know what to get but Pat has to pick it out & the other... no clue yet but I am thinking of stuff...
So in the matter of 2 hours I bought gifts for 24 people & I wasn't stressed out even once... The best Christmas shopping EVER!!
That is until Pat & I go to shop for Lissi & Tori & Taylor this weekend... but at least we have each other to calm the other down or hype the other one up.. Either way I wont be alone.
Come to think of it we need a tree too... Oh well I guess saturday after santa & cookies at Emily's!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Since when are manners optional??
Yesterday Taylor & I headed out early to get some much needed food shopping done. We started our journey in the beater (my temp car till we get the truck) praying the whole way to Matamoras that we did not over heat. I had a plan in place so that I could get all my shopping done & allow the car some breaks to "cool down". First we got to shop rite as fast as we could racing the temp gauge in the car before it got too close to the H. Got a great spot which was lovely seeing as how it was rainy & miserable out yesterday, took the baby out of the car & proceeded to walk toward the covered carts since the ones on the lot were wet.
Optional Manner Scenario # 1: I see someone who is finished with their cart & is starting to walk it back to return it & ask if I can have it because it is dry, therefore saving them the trip to return it. This woman just looks at me, after I used my please & thank yous & shot her a smile of appreciation along with an "enjoy your holiday" comment, I received no return smile, no sure, no your welcome or same to you... Nothing but a look & a shove of her cart in my direction.
Rude....
Optional Manner Scenario # 2: In shop rite, older woman struggling to get a box off the shelf, I stop what I am doing, being a grandmas girl with a soft spot for the elderly, & ask her which box she is trying to get, then I get the box for her. Again I smiled at this woman, & received nothing but her back as she put the box in her cart & walked away.
Now I am starting to mentally count how many rude people I encounter today.
Optional Manner Scenario 3 - 10 maybe: Still in shop rite, every time I was in someones way I would apologize & smile, receiving nothing in return... Checkout girl... Miserable & I even bagged everything myself, because I don't want them using plastic bags... Not even a thank you for bagging.
Now I am annoyed. On to dollar tree....
Optional Manners take 11 -12: Now it is not hard to see I have a baby in tow, the damn infant seat is almost as big as the little cart it is on in the dollar tree as well as as wide as the isles. So I would try to move over to the sides to let people pass when I was looking at something, apologizing & again smiling, again receiving nothing but looks..... A simple your fine or that's OK would have been sufficient..
Losing all faith in society....Walmart.. do I even dare??
Optional Manners 13 -infinity: Mad house is not the word for this store... but the only one that comes to mind. This trip was a 2 tripper for me, yes one cart full - paid & bagged, out to the car to unload, & back in again... I had people bang into my cart with the baby on it, one person rammed me in the leg with there cart, looked at me & said nothing, employees who were no help & seemed annoyed that I asked them a question, a number of I'm sorrys when I was in someones way or so I felt I was, again with a little smile, & again I got not so much as a your fine or smile back......... again using my p & q's the whole time & smiling... with NOTHING & too many other countless experiences with the public
Where is the holiday cheer? God I was just happy to be out of the house... but these people were down right MISERABLE. Even the lady at the self checkout was like Hitler....
If this is how shopping is going to be for the rest of the holiday season I better just do it online, at least they say thank you when you are done...
Optional Manner Scenario # 1: I see someone who is finished with their cart & is starting to walk it back to return it & ask if I can have it because it is dry, therefore saving them the trip to return it. This woman just looks at me, after I used my please & thank yous & shot her a smile of appreciation along with an "enjoy your holiday" comment, I received no return smile, no sure, no your welcome or same to you... Nothing but a look & a shove of her cart in my direction.
Rude....
Optional Manner Scenario # 2: In shop rite, older woman struggling to get a box off the shelf, I stop what I am doing, being a grandmas girl with a soft spot for the elderly, & ask her which box she is trying to get, then I get the box for her. Again I smiled at this woman, & received nothing but her back as she put the box in her cart & walked away.
Now I am starting to mentally count how many rude people I encounter today.
Optional Manner Scenario 3 - 10 maybe: Still in shop rite, every time I was in someones way I would apologize & smile, receiving nothing in return... Checkout girl... Miserable & I even bagged everything myself, because I don't want them using plastic bags... Not even a thank you for bagging.
Now I am annoyed. On to dollar tree....
Optional Manners take 11 -12: Now it is not hard to see I have a baby in tow, the damn infant seat is almost as big as the little cart it is on in the dollar tree as well as as wide as the isles. So I would try to move over to the sides to let people pass when I was looking at something, apologizing & again smiling, again receiving nothing but looks..... A simple your fine or that's OK would have been sufficient..
Losing all faith in society....Walmart.. do I even dare??
Optional Manners 13 -infinity: Mad house is not the word for this store... but the only one that comes to mind. This trip was a 2 tripper for me, yes one cart full - paid & bagged, out to the car to unload, & back in again... I had people bang into my cart with the baby on it, one person rammed me in the leg with there cart, looked at me & said nothing, employees who were no help & seemed annoyed that I asked them a question, a number of I'm sorrys when I was in someones way or so I felt I was, again with a little smile, & again I got not so much as a your fine or smile back......... again using my p & q's the whole time & smiling... with NOTHING & too many other countless experiences with the public
Where is the holiday cheer? God I was just happy to be out of the house... but these people were down right MISERABLE. Even the lady at the self checkout was like Hitler....
If this is how shopping is going to be for the rest of the holiday season I better just do it online, at least they say thank you when you are done...
Saturday, November 29, 2008
It could be worse...
So I took Taylor to the doctor on Weds for these white patches on her tongue, what we thought was thrush. Luckily it wasn't.. just milk stain. While there I shared with the doctor my concern of her lack of response to noise.
I informed the doctor that I can talk loudly by her ear, clap my hands, snap my fingers, call her, turn the TV loud, the radio & it doesn't phase her or seem to make her turn her head to find out what is causing it like an infant normally would. I commented how she does though respond to vibrations such as some one walking into the room & it shaking the floor or if you slam the door & it shakes the room. These things she jumps at & immediately responds.
The doctor thinking I am a paranoid mother of a newborn then too claps his hands, calls her, snaps his fingers & does all of the above mentioned with the same response as me.. NOTHING.
He then taps the table next to her so that it causes her to feel the vibration & she immediately responds. Now he looks concerned & I am looking less nuts.
He tells me to take her back to Bon Secours to have her ears tested again. So I make an appointment for this Monday.
Telling Pat that night was the worst, to tell him that there maybe something wrong with his "itty bitty's" hearing, he looked like he was going to cry. But he stated he noticed it too, but since he was working so much he didn't have a lot of time with her to really make a judgement & just thought she was tired.
Now I look at her & wonder can she hear me tell her I love her? Does she hear the happiness in my voice when I speak to her? Do the words " Mommy is here" soothe her? Or is she seeing me move my mouth & not hearing anything? Is that why she constantly wants to feel my touch & seems to need it to be calmed & reassured? Is that why when I talk to her she seems to place her head on my chest as to feel the vibration of voice?
I am consumed by this, constantly staring at her & speaking to her wondering is she just getting a head start on ignoring me, something her sister is an expert at... or is my little girl really not hearing me.
I was talking to my mother & she said it could be worse. She could be blind, she could be really sick, she could have a learning handicap, she could have a million things that are worse. So we have to learn sign language in a worst case scenario, or she has to have an operation to fix it, or wears a hearing aid, they make them so discreet now anyways. Or there could be nothing wrong at all & she is just not phased by noises, supposedly my sister was the same way.
This wait till Monday is killing me.. I want to know now so I can do what I need to for her if I need to do anything at all.
I informed the doctor that I can talk loudly by her ear, clap my hands, snap my fingers, call her, turn the TV loud, the radio & it doesn't phase her or seem to make her turn her head to find out what is causing it like an infant normally would. I commented how she does though respond to vibrations such as some one walking into the room & it shaking the floor or if you slam the door & it shakes the room. These things she jumps at & immediately responds.
The doctor thinking I am a paranoid mother of a newborn then too claps his hands, calls her, snaps his fingers & does all of the above mentioned with the same response as me.. NOTHING.
He then taps the table next to her so that it causes her to feel the vibration & she immediately responds. Now he looks concerned & I am looking less nuts.
He tells me to take her back to Bon Secours to have her ears tested again. So I make an appointment for this Monday.
Telling Pat that night was the worst, to tell him that there maybe something wrong with his "itty bitty's" hearing, he looked like he was going to cry. But he stated he noticed it too, but since he was working so much he didn't have a lot of time with her to really make a judgement & just thought she was tired.
Now I look at her & wonder can she hear me tell her I love her? Does she hear the happiness in my voice when I speak to her? Do the words " Mommy is here" soothe her? Or is she seeing me move my mouth & not hearing anything? Is that why she constantly wants to feel my touch & seems to need it to be calmed & reassured? Is that why when I talk to her she seems to place her head on my chest as to feel the vibration of voice?
I am consumed by this, constantly staring at her & speaking to her wondering is she just getting a head start on ignoring me, something her sister is an expert at... or is my little girl really not hearing me.
I was talking to my mother & she said it could be worse. She could be blind, she could be really sick, she could have a learning handicap, she could have a million things that are worse. So we have to learn sign language in a worst case scenario, or she has to have an operation to fix it, or wears a hearing aid, they make them so discreet now anyways. Or there could be nothing wrong at all & she is just not phased by noises, supposedly my sister was the same way.
This wait till Monday is killing me.. I want to know now so I can do what I need to for her if I need to do anything at all.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Table Decorations, Gingerbread Houses, Cookies & Gifts
So the holiday's are almost upon us.......
Turkey day:
Will be spent at my mom's this year. It's her & Joey's first thanksgiving in their new house!! Mom said I get to decorate the table... I am so excited. I love making the holiday tables look like something Martha Stewart would be proud of. So I have all my dishes, napkins, napkin rings, center peices, place card holders, chargers & everything else needed all ready. I can't wait!!
Christmas:
Last year for my immediate family I made their gifts. I was tired of buying everyone crap they never use. I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to be able to include someone who was not able to celebrate with us, so, I wrote everyone a letter about my cousin who is fighting the war over in Iraq. I wrote about silly times, him as a father, how heroic he is, among other things. I enclosed a picture with of him in his fatigues in a nice frame, a yellow ribbon magnet for everyone to put on their car, then tied the letter up with a ribbon & an American flag. It was a gift that everyone said they appreciated more than anything store bought. It brought everyone to tears & made my Aunt cry uncontrollably (not my intention) while stating it was the best gift she has ever gotten. It even prompted a letter from my grandmother a few weeks after Christmas thanking me again for such a wonderful gift to our family. It was a way for me to include someone very dear to me that I wished was there.
Don't think I can top that one & I am not even going to try....
I usually do Christmas presents by themes. So I was thinking this year I want to go green.
I have become obessed lately with using canvas bags at ALL stores trying to eliminate as many plastic bags as possible. I have become more concious of what we waste & also started with my recycling. I try to buy things that are made of recycled materials or are organic. Not a huge eco-head but every little bit helps....
So this left me thinking that I want to buy gifts that are eco-friendly, organic & good for the planet. So I googled some stuff & I think I am on the right path. I want it to be a gift that can be used & appreciated, not some dust collector. I want to do my part even on the holidays.
On another note today I recieved my Good House Keeping mag & I was reading ways to make christmas decorations for the home. Granted I have a decent amount of store bought ones but there were so many cute ideas & easy ones too that I could do on a boring day like today with Alyssa & Tori. So I can't wait to start creating holiday decorations & memories with my children that we will cherish while saving some money in the process.
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidaycrafts
I also started to discuss holiday plans with my husband & we decided to have the gingerbread house / reindeer food making day here. This is a traditon with my family & a great way to get everyone together & make some more fun memories for the kids. (Though the parents usually are the last ones at the table finishing once the kids have lost interest) We have had many interesting gingerbread "houses" over the years from the adults... I wish I had pictures to post. One year we had a gingerbread trailer park, broke down cars & old tires, furniture on the lawn included. ( We robbed the kids toy box) Yes, this one of my favorite parts of the holiday season.
So this year I am going to home make invitations with Alyssa for our gingerbread extravaganza once I coordinate a weekend that is good for everyone.
This brings me to SANTACON 08. If you live in NY & you like the city & have a great sense of humor... You will love this. It is Dec 13 -14 in NYC, it is a pub crawl. It starts in the morning & lasts all night. This year about 800 people are expected. It is the one day Manhattan is taken over by santa & friends. You're only requirement is you have to dress up like either Santa, Mrs.Claus, an elf, rudolph or anything christmas oriented. It is insane & so much fun. It is my goal to attend this year & I have a few of my chicas coming with me. We decided to be elves, getting the costumes ready is half the fun!!
http://www.santacon.com/
So that is it so far for the holiday ideas... This is my way of saving money, going green & making memories.
Turkey day:
Will be spent at my mom's this year. It's her & Joey's first thanksgiving in their new house!! Mom said I get to decorate the table... I am so excited. I love making the holiday tables look like something Martha Stewart would be proud of. So I have all my dishes, napkins, napkin rings, center peices, place card holders, chargers & everything else needed all ready. I can't wait!!
Christmas:
Last year for my immediate family I made their gifts. I was tired of buying everyone crap they never use. I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to be able to include someone who was not able to celebrate with us, so, I wrote everyone a letter about my cousin who is fighting the war over in Iraq. I wrote about silly times, him as a father, how heroic he is, among other things. I enclosed a picture with of him in his fatigues in a nice frame, a yellow ribbon magnet for everyone to put on their car, then tied the letter up with a ribbon & an American flag. It was a gift that everyone said they appreciated more than anything store bought. It brought everyone to tears & made my Aunt cry uncontrollably (not my intention) while stating it was the best gift she has ever gotten. It even prompted a letter from my grandmother a few weeks after Christmas thanking me again for such a wonderful gift to our family. It was a way for me to include someone very dear to me that I wished was there.
Don't think I can top that one & I am not even going to try....
I usually do Christmas presents by themes. So I was thinking this year I want to go green.
I have become obessed lately with using canvas bags at ALL stores trying to eliminate as many plastic bags as possible. I have become more concious of what we waste & also started with my recycling. I try to buy things that are made of recycled materials or are organic. Not a huge eco-head but every little bit helps....
So this left me thinking that I want to buy gifts that are eco-friendly, organic & good for the planet. So I googled some stuff & I think I am on the right path. I want it to be a gift that can be used & appreciated, not some dust collector. I want to do my part even on the holidays.
On another note today I recieved my Good House Keeping mag & I was reading ways to make christmas decorations for the home. Granted I have a decent amount of store bought ones but there were so many cute ideas & easy ones too that I could do on a boring day like today with Alyssa & Tori. So I can't wait to start creating holiday decorations & memories with my children that we will cherish while saving some money in the process.
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidaycrafts
I also started to discuss holiday plans with my husband & we decided to have the gingerbread house / reindeer food making day here. This is a traditon with my family & a great way to get everyone together & make some more fun memories for the kids. (Though the parents usually are the last ones at the table finishing once the kids have lost interest) We have had many interesting gingerbread "houses" over the years from the adults... I wish I had pictures to post. One year we had a gingerbread trailer park, broke down cars & old tires, furniture on the lawn included. ( We robbed the kids toy box) Yes, this one of my favorite parts of the holiday season.
So this year I am going to home make invitations with Alyssa for our gingerbread extravaganza once I coordinate a weekend that is good for everyone.
This brings me to SANTACON 08. If you live in NY & you like the city & have a great sense of humor... You will love this. It is Dec 13 -14 in NYC, it is a pub crawl. It starts in the morning & lasts all night. This year about 800 people are expected. It is the one day Manhattan is taken over by santa & friends. You're only requirement is you have to dress up like either Santa, Mrs.Claus, an elf, rudolph or anything christmas oriented. It is insane & so much fun. It is my goal to attend this year & I have a few of my chicas coming with me. We decided to be elves, getting the costumes ready is half the fun!!
http://www.santacon.com/
So that is it so far for the holiday ideas... This is my way of saving money, going green & making memories.
Monday, November 10, 2008
So this weekend was pretty uneventful. Lissi left me on Friday to go to Maine with her dad & Jenna. Her Pappy picked her up & I let her take half a day at school. So it was me & Taylor left to our own accord.
Miss Taylor must have not been feeling well on Friday cause she got up at 5am & with the exception of a 45 minute nap was up most of the day & very cranky... I felt horrible for her & didn't know what to do to calm her. I held her, rubbed her back & belly, gave her 2 baths (this calmed her for a little, she loves the bath) we went in the swing, our vibrating chair, we played on a blanket on the floor, we went outside in the carriage & then in the house with the carriage, we played soothing music & I rocked her, feed her, changed her, she was just having an off day. I called my mom & Nanny finally & they said she probably had a tummy ache & try apple sauce.... Apparently apple sauce helps... I didn't know this, but I was willing to try anything, I felt horrible for her. So we had apple sauce, I gave her a few little baby spoonfuls, she would quiet for a minute, taste it & look at me like, what is this.. it has flavor. Then cry again, so I don't think it helped but it was a nice treat.
I was supposed to go to my mother-in-laws house that evening for a basket party & was looking forward to getting out of the house, plus I love to show of my little munchkin. I wanted to at least wait for Pat to get home so I could see him for a few & he could see the baby, but around 7 we laid on my bed, I put her on my chest & rubbed her back & we both passed out from exhaustion. I woke up around 8 & put her in her pod, & immediately passed back out. I didn't wake up again till 11. She didn't wake up again till 4:30 am. So we both got some much needed rest.
Saturday ...... Taylor was having another day... She was upset all morning again, probably with "Bubble Guts" as my husband put it, another wonderful Pat-ism.. My step daughter Tori came over which was exciting cause I haven't seen her much since the baby was born & I was glad she was there to spend time with us & Taylor. Pat was home relatively early, so it was nice to have some family time. Now I was supposed to go to my sil's (Sister in laws) for the food party that night & was looking forward to it, but couldn't make it.We had errands to run & I wanted to spend time with my husband who works so hard & so much for our family, that time with him has become a rarity. So we took the kids to Home Depot, Pat's toys r us, & while he bored me & Tori with tools, we made our own fun. We found the Christmas section & we put on silly hats, picked out decorations, stockings, then we picked paint colors for her future room when we buy a house. Taylor slept the whole time, lucky, cause home depot is a snooze when you are there for tools.
Then it was onto Shop rite. (glamorous I know) Now, this would be a reason I had to go even if I didn't want to. Pat is not allowed to go by himself cause he only comes home with meat. He doesn't realize that we eat/need other things besides meat. So while he stared at steak, I went up & down all the isles to get everything else...LOL. This is how is always is when we go. I get ALL the shopping done up to the frozen isles before he has picked out his steak... Cause it requires very careful choosing. This is one of things that drives me nuts but also why I love him.
By the time we dropped off Tori, stopped in to see Pop then got home & unloaded the car, it was almost 10:30. Then sleep, for Pat at least, Taylor & I were up most of the night.
Sunday... he worked & I had a lazy day with Taylor, we slept most of the day. Then we made dinner & watched TV then bed.
Here we are at Monday again. I managed to get Taylor out in the carriage for some fresh air this morning & went outside & tackled the deck finally, putting away all the patio furniture, fire pit, & coolers. Then I cleaned Pats plant room. I know this is his space & I promised to leave it alone but I couldn't take it anymore. So I just organized it, dusted, arranged some stuff & swept it.
My mommy is coming over tonight to help me put the crib together finally.. LOL.
Lissi comes home tomorrow.. Yippie!! I always miss her soo much when she is gone.
This week we have Dr's appts, we have to buy a car, finalize babysitting arrangements for the baby & Lissi before I return to work on Monday for 3 weeks.... Ugh. So this week is busy too & this weekend is Pat's birthday festivities... My hubby is going to be 31... So till next time...
* Any suggestions on how to get that stupid optimum online triple play commercial song out of my head... for days now all I hear in my brain is 877-333-4001...LOL. **
Miss Taylor must have not been feeling well on Friday cause she got up at 5am & with the exception of a 45 minute nap was up most of the day & very cranky... I felt horrible for her & didn't know what to do to calm her. I held her, rubbed her back & belly, gave her 2 baths (this calmed her for a little, she loves the bath) we went in the swing, our vibrating chair, we played on a blanket on the floor, we went outside in the carriage & then in the house with the carriage, we played soothing music & I rocked her, feed her, changed her, she was just having an off day. I called my mom & Nanny finally & they said she probably had a tummy ache & try apple sauce.... Apparently apple sauce helps... I didn't know this, but I was willing to try anything, I felt horrible for her. So we had apple sauce, I gave her a few little baby spoonfuls, she would quiet for a minute, taste it & look at me like, what is this.. it has flavor. Then cry again, so I don't think it helped but it was a nice treat.
I was supposed to go to my mother-in-laws house that evening for a basket party & was looking forward to getting out of the house, plus I love to show of my little munchkin. I wanted to at least wait for Pat to get home so I could see him for a few & he could see the baby, but around 7 we laid on my bed, I put her on my chest & rubbed her back & we both passed out from exhaustion. I woke up around 8 & put her in her pod, & immediately passed back out. I didn't wake up again till 11. She didn't wake up again till 4:30 am. So we both got some much needed rest.
Saturday ...... Taylor was having another day... She was upset all morning again, probably with "Bubble Guts" as my husband put it, another wonderful Pat-ism.. My step daughter Tori came over which was exciting cause I haven't seen her much since the baby was born & I was glad she was there to spend time with us & Taylor. Pat was home relatively early, so it was nice to have some family time. Now I was supposed to go to my sil's (Sister in laws) for the food party that night & was looking forward to it, but couldn't make it.We had errands to run & I wanted to spend time with my husband who works so hard & so much for our family, that time with him has become a rarity. So we took the kids to Home Depot, Pat's toys r us, & while he bored me & Tori with tools, we made our own fun. We found the Christmas section & we put on silly hats, picked out decorations, stockings, then we picked paint colors for her future room when we buy a house. Taylor slept the whole time, lucky, cause home depot is a snooze when you are there for tools.
Then it was onto Shop rite. (glamorous I know) Now, this would be a reason I had to go even if I didn't want to. Pat is not allowed to go by himself cause he only comes home with meat. He doesn't realize that we eat/need other things besides meat. So while he stared at steak, I went up & down all the isles to get everything else...LOL. This is how is always is when we go. I get ALL the shopping done up to the frozen isles before he has picked out his steak... Cause it requires very careful choosing. This is one of things that drives me nuts but also why I love him.
By the time we dropped off Tori, stopped in to see Pop then got home & unloaded the car, it was almost 10:30. Then sleep, for Pat at least, Taylor & I were up most of the night.
Sunday... he worked & I had a lazy day with Taylor, we slept most of the day. Then we made dinner & watched TV then bed.
Here we are at Monday again. I managed to get Taylor out in the carriage for some fresh air this morning & went outside & tackled the deck finally, putting away all the patio furniture, fire pit, & coolers. Then I cleaned Pats plant room. I know this is his space & I promised to leave it alone but I couldn't take it anymore. So I just organized it, dusted, arranged some stuff & swept it.
My mommy is coming over tonight to help me put the crib together finally.. LOL.
Lissi comes home tomorrow.. Yippie!! I always miss her soo much when she is gone.
This week we have Dr's appts, we have to buy a car, finalize babysitting arrangements for the baby & Lissi before I return to work on Monday for 3 weeks.... Ugh. So this week is busy too & this weekend is Pat's birthday festivities... My hubby is going to be 31... So till next time...
* Any suggestions on how to get that stupid optimum online triple play commercial song out of my head... for days now all I hear in my brain is 877-333-4001...LOL. **
Thursday, November 6, 2008
You have got to be kidding me!!
So Pat came home tonight & told me that the timing belt had bent the valve... this is bad. So I wont have my car back. I call my dad who was a mechanic since he was 16 & ask him if it is worth fixing, he said probably not because it's expensive & could lead to needing a whole motor & with the mileage on my car its not worth the money. Now my car is only a 2001, its not ancient... yet.
This is so not a good time for this.. I have to go back to work on the 17th for 3 weeks because I am 100 hours short of taking the remainder of my maternity leave (cough = bullshit), I cant use Pat's car because I cant feel safe with the baby in it, plus I am not driving him to the train with the baby at 4 am every morning.
Its not like we have money put away to buy a new car. This incident has kinda blindsided us.
** I keep repeating to myself... God wont give you more than you can handle, god wont give you more than you can handle**
This is followed by a little voice stating " he is sure pushing my limits though lately on just how much it takes to make me snap"
SO where does that leave us?? With one week to obtain a new car...
We have decided on a truck, we need the extra room now with the baby. We have decided to buy one outright because we don't want the monthly payment, so this has left us looking all night at pre-owned. We have it narrowed down pretty much to a Ford Expedition.
Now we just have to have my poor father run around all weekend looking at them, once we get the OK we have to go down there, buy it, get insurance on it, & then sit in DMV HELL in Queens.... That should take about 6 hours. Dane Cook said it right when he called the DMV "Satan's Asshole".
Looks like I will be in Queens till Tuesday... Yippie & Ugh!!
Oh & we are selling the mustang too... So we are doing a complete vehicle overhaul....
This is so not a good time for this.. I have to go back to work on the 17th for 3 weeks because I am 100 hours short of taking the remainder of my maternity leave (cough = bullshit), I cant use Pat's car because I cant feel safe with the baby in it, plus I am not driving him to the train with the baby at 4 am every morning.
Its not like we have money put away to buy a new car. This incident has kinda blindsided us.
** I keep repeating to myself... God wont give you more than you can handle, god wont give you more than you can handle**
This is followed by a little voice stating " he is sure pushing my limits though lately on just how much it takes to make me snap"
SO where does that leave us?? With one week to obtain a new car...
We have decided on a truck, we need the extra room now with the baby. We have decided to buy one outright because we don't want the monthly payment, so this has left us looking all night at pre-owned. We have it narrowed down pretty much to a Ford Expedition.
Now we just have to have my poor father run around all weekend looking at them, once we get the OK we have to go down there, buy it, get insurance on it, & then sit in DMV HELL in Queens.... That should take about 6 hours. Dane Cook said it right when he called the DMV "Satan's Asshole".
Looks like I will be in Queens till Tuesday... Yippie & Ugh!!
Oh & we are selling the mustang too... So we are doing a complete vehicle overhaul....
Starting to go stir crazy.....
So my car has been at the shop (Pat's friend shop) for over a week now for a timing belt.
Having worked in a dealership most of my life, I know that this is a 3 hour job - 4 tops..... but because it's Pat's friend it is taking FOREVER..... Granted he is doing us a favor, but I am starting to lose my mind.... I haven't left my house in days....
I mean how many times in one week can you mop the floor?Average is what 3? I am up to sometimes twice a day cause it just doesn't look clean enough (coo-coo). I am reorganizing & rearranging everything I can, then I am rearranging that because I have nothing else left to do.
All I want to do is go to the post office to get the mail... That would excite me right now & make me feel like I accomplished something.
It's getting to the point where I am tempted to go outside, take his axe & teach myself how to split wood, the only thing stopping me is that if I miss the wood & hit my leg I have no car to get to the hospital...LOL.
My plan today was to clean up the deck & put all the patio furniture away in the shed, but rain forced me to wash my sheets yet again instead.. You know, cause they need to be washed every 2 days. I even googled how to wash pillows & gave that a whirl.
** NOTE** - make sure your pillows have no holes in the seams before washing or your machine will look like you killed a sheep when the cycle is done, I learned this the hard way. You then must break out the needle & thread to proceed this pillow to the dryer or it will look like a sheep herd was massacred in your dryer. Now, my dryer is standing up to the wood chips in the filter from Pats secret logger life.. but I don't know how it would handle wood chips & fluff...LOL.
Next I am going to attempt to cook chicken breast... I printed out a recipe & everything...I am sure Pat will have some "advice" for my chicken, since he is the head chef in this house & I am but a measly line cook, if that.. I probably am closer to waitress than anyone in a kitchen staff... but at least he didn't have to cook after getting up at the crack ass of dawn. Thank goodness my in laws bought us a fire alarm... LOL. Kidding I am not THAT bad, & if I haven't lit the house on fire with the wood burning monster in my front room, I am sure I can handle the oven. **fingers crossed**
Taylor needs to not sleep so much so I have someone to play with, but while she naps, I am sure I will find more things to do.... but I don't think my house or the clothes could be more organized & once the rains stops, the outside & me have a date....
Having worked in a dealership most of my life, I know that this is a 3 hour job - 4 tops..... but because it's Pat's friend it is taking FOREVER..... Granted he is doing us a favor, but I am starting to lose my mind.... I haven't left my house in days....
I mean how many times in one week can you mop the floor?Average is what 3? I am up to sometimes twice a day cause it just doesn't look clean enough (coo-coo). I am reorganizing & rearranging everything I can, then I am rearranging that because I have nothing else left to do.
All I want to do is go to the post office to get the mail... That would excite me right now & make me feel like I accomplished something.
It's getting to the point where I am tempted to go outside, take his axe & teach myself how to split wood, the only thing stopping me is that if I miss the wood & hit my leg I have no car to get to the hospital...LOL.
My plan today was to clean up the deck & put all the patio furniture away in the shed, but rain forced me to wash my sheets yet again instead.. You know, cause they need to be washed every 2 days. I even googled how to wash pillows & gave that a whirl.
** NOTE** - make sure your pillows have no holes in the seams before washing or your machine will look like you killed a sheep when the cycle is done, I learned this the hard way. You then must break out the needle & thread to proceed this pillow to the dryer or it will look like a sheep herd was massacred in your dryer. Now, my dryer is standing up to the wood chips in the filter from Pats secret logger life.. but I don't know how it would handle wood chips & fluff...LOL.
Next I am going to attempt to cook chicken breast... I printed out a recipe & everything...I am sure Pat will have some "advice" for my chicken, since he is the head chef in this house & I am but a measly line cook, if that.. I probably am closer to waitress than anyone in a kitchen staff... but at least he didn't have to cook after getting up at the crack ass of dawn. Thank goodness my in laws bought us a fire alarm... LOL. Kidding I am not THAT bad, & if I haven't lit the house on fire with the wood burning monster in my front room, I am sure I can handle the oven. **fingers crossed**
Taylor needs to not sleep so much so I have someone to play with, but while she naps, I am sure I will find more things to do.... but I don't think my house or the clothes could be more organized & once the rains stops, the outside & me have a date....
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
We have just witnessed history.... Thank God
I never really cared about politics... I was more than happy to go about living my life in utter oblivion as far as the country was concerned, the economy, war, , ect. I figured the less I knew the better off I was. That was until this year.
Maybe I became a grown up, maybe my cousin being over in Iraq, maybe wanting to buy a house & invest my money finally made me aware,maybe it was the word depression being thrown around, the bail out of the banks & no help for the people themselves, whatever it was I am glad I woke up.
It's sad to think that I am 27 & this was my first time voting,but this election meant something to me. It meant something to my 8 year old daughter. It meant something to my generation.
I used to feel like, oh what does my one vote count for anyways... Well, I felt like it counted, I felt like I made a difference in the destination of my country, the future of my children by casting my one measly little vote. I was proud of myself, though I did not get the experience of the voting booth because I am still registered in Massapequa & had to cast an absentee ballot, but I voted none the same.
Watching the news, I was proud of the all the people waiting in line to vote for their first time just like me. I haven't felt pride like that since everyone came together in NY after 9/11. That was a pride I thought I would never feel again & glad that I did under much happier circumstances.
My daughter has been asking a lot of questions about voting, electoral votes, what the politicians stand for. I have explained suffrage, the civil rights movement, the difference between the popular vote & how that sways the electoral vote. I felt proud as a mother to have a child that was so eager to learn & was so invested in this as well, I was also proud to be able to have the knowledge to teach her the history & the struggles people have endured to be able to have this right that I have taken for granted since earning the privilege with my 18th birthday.
Alyssa voted at school, Alyssa voted on Nick Jr. com, Alyssa followed the news with me, making her own decision on who she wanted to be our next president. I did not sway her to my vote I let her hear what each candidate stood for & let her form her own opinion on what was she felt was important to her as an eight year old child.
She was in school and her teacher asked the class, "who do you want to be president?" & then told them they had to give her a reason other than that is who my family wants. My daughter was able to tell her class she wanted Obama & able to explain why she chose him. She brought up points of the middle class, now understanding what that was & that we were them. She brought up ending the war sooner & how her Uncle Jay is over there. I am hoping that this instilled in her the want to care & the desire to make her one vote count.
Last night, Alyssa & I watched ABC, NBC, FOX constantly switching back & forth to see who had the latest updates as to who had won what states, to watch the electoral count as well as the popular vote. We watched with eagerness, sometimes aggravated at how long it was taking. Alyssa made signs for Obama for me & the baby to hold, she made up cheers for both Obama & McCain. I was so amazed to see how excited & invested she was in this. She was so tired at one point that I told her to go to bed & she could find out in the morning. Her eyes welled up & she told me NO. She couldn't sleep till she knew. Who was I to take this from her, she was witnessing history no matter who won & she knew it. She told me, "Mom it's history if Obama win cause he will be our first black president & it's history if McCain wins cause it will be our first woman vice president." She was right.
I felt proud to be able to share this with my child, as well as that I myself took part.
As they announced Obama, I felt my eyes tear up, I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief, I felt a peace come over me that everything WAS going to get better, change was on the horizon & I felt a my faith in this country restored.
When Obama came out to speak, I was alone, Alyssa & Pat had gone to bed, Taylor asleep in her Moses basket on the couch. I forced myself to stay awake to hear our new president speak. (We all know that sleep is scarce with a newborn but this was more important). Before I realized it I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, legs in Indian style, like a child watching cartoons, watching with such eagerness taking in every word. When he spoke, I found myself almost crying, periodically wiping a tear from my eye, because for the first time in a long time, I believed in something, I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself, because this man's words were so encouraging & so powerful to me.
When they scanned the crowd it warmed my heart to see young & old, black & white, rich & poor, all standing side by side with the same look in their eyes, belief in the words of the man that spoke before them, relief that things will get better & pride for themselves, their country & our new president.
Maybe I became a grown up, maybe my cousin being over in Iraq, maybe wanting to buy a house & invest my money finally made me aware,maybe it was the word depression being thrown around, the bail out of the banks & no help for the people themselves, whatever it was I am glad I woke up.
It's sad to think that I am 27 & this was my first time voting,but this election meant something to me. It meant something to my 8 year old daughter. It meant something to my generation.
I used to feel like, oh what does my one vote count for anyways... Well, I felt like it counted, I felt like I made a difference in the destination of my country, the future of my children by casting my one measly little vote. I was proud of myself, though I did not get the experience of the voting booth because I am still registered in Massapequa & had to cast an absentee ballot, but I voted none the same.
Watching the news, I was proud of the all the people waiting in line to vote for their first time just like me. I haven't felt pride like that since everyone came together in NY after 9/11. That was a pride I thought I would never feel again & glad that I did under much happier circumstances.
My daughter has been asking a lot of questions about voting, electoral votes, what the politicians stand for. I have explained suffrage, the civil rights movement, the difference between the popular vote & how that sways the electoral vote. I felt proud as a mother to have a child that was so eager to learn & was so invested in this as well, I was also proud to be able to have the knowledge to teach her the history & the struggles people have endured to be able to have this right that I have taken for granted since earning the privilege with my 18th birthday.
Alyssa voted at school, Alyssa voted on Nick Jr. com, Alyssa followed the news with me, making her own decision on who she wanted to be our next president. I did not sway her to my vote I let her hear what each candidate stood for & let her form her own opinion on what was she felt was important to her as an eight year old child.
She was in school and her teacher asked the class, "who do you want to be president?" & then told them they had to give her a reason other than that is who my family wants. My daughter was able to tell her class she wanted Obama & able to explain why she chose him. She brought up points of the middle class, now understanding what that was & that we were them. She brought up ending the war sooner & how her Uncle Jay is over there. I am hoping that this instilled in her the want to care & the desire to make her one vote count.
Last night, Alyssa & I watched ABC, NBC, FOX constantly switching back & forth to see who had the latest updates as to who had won what states, to watch the electoral count as well as the popular vote. We watched with eagerness, sometimes aggravated at how long it was taking. Alyssa made signs for Obama for me & the baby to hold, she made up cheers for both Obama & McCain. I was so amazed to see how excited & invested she was in this. She was so tired at one point that I told her to go to bed & she could find out in the morning. Her eyes welled up & she told me NO. She couldn't sleep till she knew. Who was I to take this from her, she was witnessing history no matter who won & she knew it. She told me, "Mom it's history if Obama win cause he will be our first black president & it's history if McCain wins cause it will be our first woman vice president." She was right.
I felt proud to be able to share this with my child, as well as that I myself took part.
As they announced Obama, I felt my eyes tear up, I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief, I felt a peace come over me that everything WAS going to get better, change was on the horizon & I felt a my faith in this country restored.
When Obama came out to speak, I was alone, Alyssa & Pat had gone to bed, Taylor asleep in her Moses basket on the couch. I forced myself to stay awake to hear our new president speak. (We all know that sleep is scarce with a newborn but this was more important). Before I realized it I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, legs in Indian style, like a child watching cartoons, watching with such eagerness taking in every word. When he spoke, I found myself almost crying, periodically wiping a tear from my eye, because for the first time in a long time, I believed in something, I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself, because this man's words were so encouraging & so powerful to me.
When they scanned the crowd it warmed my heart to see young & old, black & white, rich & poor, all standing side by side with the same look in their eyes, belief in the words of the man that spoke before them, relief that things will get better & pride for themselves, their country & our new president.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Trick or treat
Friday... Ahhhh.. Halloween.... Ugh.Well today my husband & I went down to the elementary school to see my daughter & my step daughter march in the parade. What an interesting trip that was. My car (the family car) is in the shop...timing belt, my husbands car, a convertible sports car was our mode of transportation, not good. So of course there is no middle seat belt, so the baby rear facing car seat went behind me, which left me practically praying that we didn't get into an accident cause I was pretty much sitting on the dash board & if the windshield didn't kill me the airbag would have shattered my face. So that made for an interesting ride & the conversation of "Babe it's time to let go of this car & get a 4 door" followed by Pat saying "beat it" which is his way of tell me No. Beat it always means no... Another pat-ism.
So we get to the parade, since we barely fit the baby in the car, you know that the carriage was sitting at home. So we had to park in bumblefuck & walk the baby to the school, through wet almost swampy grass - ( bad time for ballet flats) finally we get there. First comes Tori my step daughter, a cute little army chick... Hugs & kisses for Tori & a quick picture... Then comes Alyssa....
Now Alyssa is into all these goth type of costumes lately though you wouldnt know it by looking at her. She is blonde, green eyed, tall & thin & dresses like she just walked out of an Abercrombie ad... but today she was in a black & white cheerleading outfit with a skull on it, with black knee high boots (her grandmother's purchase - not mine). Basically she was a zombie, bad ass cheerleader.
This morning -
Me: Alyssa put on your black long sleeved shirt, you can't show your stomach at school & it's going to be chilly out.
Alyssa: ok
Me: You heard me right.. you better wear the shirt underneath you costume, you cant have your stomach showing at school. (Now its been said twice)
Alyssa: I will I promise
So back at the parade... I see her teacher, then I hear "Mom I am right here", totally missed her walking past me.. then I see it, her stomach... belly button & all... I of course immediately say
"Where is your shirt" & she replies " oh I forgot it when I changed into my costume ( they changed into them at school) which sparked the mom look from me & then was followed by Alyssa putting her arms around her stomach to cover her belly button.
Remind you she is 8. Now I am a cool mom, very laid back & open, I am only 27, but I have my limits & that is one of them. I was very disappointed in her for totally disregarding what I said.
I am over it now, but thought it was funny that she is at that age where she is trying to be sneaky & find her own self & is beginning to challenge me on things. Though I hope she is only half of how I was to my mom cause I dont think I have the energy for someone like me... Though I know my mom cursed me with the " I hope you have one just like you" when she was born.
Anyways so Miss. Taylor my little munchkin was a little butterfly.. She did not go trick or treating though because it is too cold out, plus I couldn't bare another ride in Daddy's car to go to the manor where the tricks & treating take place.
Luckily enough, Alyssa's friend mother took Alyssa & her friend down there to get candy, which I plan on finding a few pieces that " dont look so good" ( I know my mom used to pull that crap with us, cause it was always the same brand of candy every year that didnt look right) so I can eat them later.
Halloween is a bad time to be recovering from pregnancy & trying to eat healthy. I will have to plan the next baby away from Halloween. I lost all the baby weight already but I figure I have a head start so why not get super skinny before summer is right around the corner. Plus my butt is going to the beach as much as possible this summer, I have 2 summers worth of tans to catch up on. Anyways....
Happy Halloween, hope everyone gots lots of candy & had fun!!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Hormones??? Maybe....
OK so today I feel like shit.. emotionally. I woke up in a funk, probably due to a bad night of no sleeping again with the baby. Then I called my Daddy to wish him a happy 45th birthday, this made me sad because I was not able to be there with him or am I able to go down this weekend to see him. Then my Dad told me that he was moving all his stuff upstairs into the new apartment today & that him & Noreen (my Dad's girlfriend) were painting & he wished I was there to help him pick colors & decorate (that's my thing.. I do it for all my family) which made me even more sad because by the time I can come down again it will all be done.
Then he told me that everyone was coming over tonight to help.... Johnny,Krissy, Nicky, Aunty, Uncle Jim. Liz.. & I knew that this was just another night of family retardedness that I was missing out on. Not that I wanted to be moving furniture up 2 flights of stairs but just the fact that it was another day I wasn't getting to spend with my family.
So that set the tone for the day with me.
Then I talked to my grandmother & she tells me that my cousin is engaged. I am sure my grandmother was also told in confidence by my cousin Liz but Nanny is known as the town crier... My sister was also told by her today... LOL.
We are all so involved in each other lives. It's annoying sometimes, but it is also a closeness most families don't have & we love it.
So this was just enough to make me wish I was there & to bring a tear to my eye. It's hard being so far away from people you are so close to, even if you are missing out on something as stupid as helping move furniture.
So is it that I am homesick or are my hormones still out of whack? Probably a mixture of both.
Then he told me that everyone was coming over tonight to help.... Johnny,Krissy, Nicky, Aunty, Uncle Jim. Liz.. & I knew that this was just another night of family retardedness that I was missing out on. Not that I wanted to be moving furniture up 2 flights of stairs but just the fact that it was another day I wasn't getting to spend with my family.
So that set the tone for the day with me.
Then I talked to my grandmother & she tells me that my cousin is engaged. I am sure my grandmother was also told in confidence by my cousin Liz but Nanny is known as the town crier... My sister was also told by her today... LOL.
We are all so involved in each other lives. It's annoying sometimes, but it is also a closeness most families don't have & we love it.
So this was just enough to make me wish I was there & to bring a tear to my eye. It's hard being so far away from people you are so close to, even if you are missing out on something as stupid as helping move furniture.
So is it that I am homesick or are my hormones still out of whack? Probably a mixture of both.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The glamorous life of mom.....
I get up usually for the last time now (I am up usually every 2 hours with the baby) around 6:30 with the baby, wake him up for work, make Alyssa's lunch, feed the turtles, make bottles, do the dishes in the sink from dinner that I was too exhausted & disgusted by the night before to do. Then I feed Taylor, get Alyssa up, get her ready for school, see her off onto the bus, watch Crossing Jordan while feeding Taylor yet another bottle while praying she falls asleep for at least an hour. Once she is asleep (this usually is a 2 hour process the feeding & off to sleep part) I finally make a cup of tea & plot my cleaning strategy for the day. Since we constantly have the fireplace going until the wood stove is installed (Today I hope) my husband & I drag wood from the plant room which has now become the wood room, through the dinning room, into the livingroom, leaving wood chips, saw dust & bark everywhere....
So I now vaccum about 3 times a day & sweep about the same.I dust & mop only once, except the diningroom table which has to be pledged everytime it is used.. I am a little OCD.
**Personal thought to self as writing** - He manages to always get the woodness of it all in his clothes & you always know where in the house he was by the wood chips.
Anyways... So I clean for the first time, feed & change Taylor, bathe Taylor, drink another cup of tea, possibly eat but not likely, put more wood on the fire, do about 3 loads of laundry, which I never understand cause there is only 4 of us & we all wear 1 outfit a day plus pj's & towels (well I guess I just answered my own question) anyways... at least 3 loads, put that away, make beds, usually vaccum again, feed & change Taylor, Alyssa's comes home, do homework, make a snack, finish watching Ellen, I love that show & that is my me time.
Now I can probably shower.... Since Lissi is home to help with the baby. Shower, throw my hair in a ponytail & headband, put on some clean sweats & sweat shirt (very sexy lately)... ask Alyssa for the 20th time to hang up her coat, & put her homework away. Now we wait for Daddy.
I always make Alyssa's dinner since Pat doesnt get home till late, but I wait to eat with him, especially because his cooking skills are waaaay better than mine....
After dinner I clean off the table, get Alyssa in the tub, do her hair after (she has long blonde curly hair) this requires screaming on her part while I brush it, followed by gel, mousse & spray, have Alyssa call her Dad to say goodnight if he hasnt called yet, have Alyssa get her pj's on, brush her teeth & floss, then finally tuck Alyssa in, (it's usually about 10pm now) get Taylor ready for bed, make more bottles for the night, set up the diapers & wipes & changing pad in my room for the night , have Pat load up the fireplace with wood ( we have heat abviously but we are trying to cut costs so we use both).... finally sit with my husband for about 10 minutes till the baby falls asleep then I kiss him goodnight, look at the dishes in the sink as I close up the house for the night & think I will do it tomorrow....
Glamorous isnt it?? Yeah not so much, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
So I now vaccum about 3 times a day & sweep about the same.I dust & mop only once, except the diningroom table which has to be pledged everytime it is used.. I am a little OCD.
**Personal thought to self as writing** - He manages to always get the woodness of it all in his clothes & you always know where in the house he was by the wood chips.
Anyways... So I clean for the first time, feed & change Taylor, bathe Taylor, drink another cup of tea, possibly eat but not likely, put more wood on the fire, do about 3 loads of laundry, which I never understand cause there is only 4 of us & we all wear 1 outfit a day plus pj's & towels (well I guess I just answered my own question) anyways... at least 3 loads, put that away, make beds, usually vaccum again, feed & change Taylor, Alyssa's comes home, do homework, make a snack, finish watching Ellen, I love that show & that is my me time.
Now I can probably shower.... Since Lissi is home to help with the baby. Shower, throw my hair in a ponytail & headband, put on some clean sweats & sweat shirt (very sexy lately)... ask Alyssa for the 20th time to hang up her coat, & put her homework away. Now we wait for Daddy.
I always make Alyssa's dinner since Pat doesnt get home till late, but I wait to eat with him, especially because his cooking skills are waaaay better than mine....
After dinner I clean off the table, get Alyssa in the tub, do her hair after (she has long blonde curly hair) this requires screaming on her part while I brush it, followed by gel, mousse & spray, have Alyssa call her Dad to say goodnight if he hasnt called yet, have Alyssa get her pj's on, brush her teeth & floss, then finally tuck Alyssa in, (it's usually about 10pm now) get Taylor ready for bed, make more bottles for the night, set up the diapers & wipes & changing pad in my room for the night , have Pat load up the fireplace with wood ( we have heat abviously but we are trying to cut costs so we use both).... finally sit with my husband for about 10 minutes till the baby falls asleep then I kiss him goodnight, look at the dishes in the sink as I close up the house for the night & think I will do it tomorrow....
Glamorous isnt it?? Yeah not so much, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Monday, October 27, 2008
WARNING!!
I tend to be brutally honest... I tend to have a twisted sense of humor... I tend to be a little tongue in cheek..... I definitely have the ability for people to take my written word & twist it into something its not....If you don't like it don't read it.
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